#he still likes carrot cake but now he has to think about his dead friend whenever he has it :(

[a-lonely-dunedain]

update: the carrot cake now has emotional baggage attached to it

I've also decided that Tossdir really likes carrot cake

[moony-2001]

Lore Olympus ep. 255 critique

Boy oh boy.

No remorse and tonal whiplash

We open this chapter with Persephone waking up not dead, total shock in Hades' arms, asking him if what happened was all a bad dream.

When Hades responds that what happened was not all in her head, we as the readers would expect Persephone to react with shock, remorse, something. Nope. Instead, we get this:

"Oh dear" with the most expressionless face ever. Our empathetic, caring protagonist everyone.

Now maybe I'm being too harsh. However, I feel like most people upon being confronted with the fact that they caused mass destruction would be pretty upset, if not incredibly so. But that's just my 2 cents.

We immediately transition into a party that's being set up for Persephone by all her friends and cohorts. We're then treated to this lovely image:

Thanks Captain Obvious.

While Hermes and Megaera argue over whether or not carrot cake is good, Thanatos pulls Hecate aside and notes about the massive uptick in incoming deaths which confirms what I said in my last critique post. While initially denying it, Hecate quickly realizes that something is very very wrong and that's when Hades and Persephone burst through the doors. Persephone bursts into tears and we get the most tone-deaf sentence ever:

Wow. Haha so funny. Comedy. Given the context of what just happened, this attempt at humor fell so flat.

I feel like the first third of this chapter kind of speaks for itself in terms of the writing and art, which is not good. There's just no emotion at all. I get the feeling that we're supposed to feel bad for Persephone and I just... don't. I don't have a whole lot more to say about this portion of the chapter; just that when I read it, I strained my eyeballs from rolling them so hard.

Hades tries not to make everything about himself challenge: Impossible

We transition into the post-party disaster cleanup where Persephone is hiding out in a greenhouse and Hades and Hecate are inside. Hades takes this opportunity to make everything about himself.

First of all, you're not and you're not.

But on a more serious note, this is not the first time we see Hades take a situation that has either nothing or almost nothing to do with him and make it all about himself. In fact, this is something he does frequently throughout the comic. Hades, in my opinion, very much has a "me, me, me, it's all about me" mindset.

One instance that comes to mind is this scene that happens in early s2 after Persephone opens up about her childhood and AOW. She barely has had time to share and process her traumatic experiences when Hades decides that this is the perfect time to dump 2000 years' worth of pent-up trauma onto a girl he's known for maybe 2 weeks at that point. Yet, he refuses to actively seek help during his time before meeting Persephone and even calls his therapist a hack.

Another instance is when Persephone confronts Hades about ripping out Alex's eye in s1 (when she was still somewhat empathetic to nymphs and whatnot).

Hades, when torturing Alex, very quickly shifts from the mentality of "you could've really damaged Persephone's reputation" to "I'm going to punish you because I view Persephone as my property and how dare you do this to me?"

Hades even outright admits it when confronted. He took a situation that had nothing to do with him and completely made it about himself.

Another instance is when Persephone tells Hades about what Apollo did to her and Hades flies off the handle and makes her trauma about himself. About what he is going to do even though that is not his decision to make.

It baffles me how conceited Hades is despite claiming to care about Persephone. I don't understand how you can look at a person who is going through a hell of a time and think "Let's make this about me". But that's a whole other post for the future

Zeus and Apollo

Skipping to the end of the episode, Apollo calls Hades (with Zeus' phone?) and tells him that he wants to take Persephone off Hades' hands.

Straight up, I don't like Hades and Persephone either as characters or together as a couple. I think they bring out the worst in each other. But Persephone is not some dog that needs to be rehomed and frankly, the whiplash Rachel is giving her audience in regards to Apollo's character is going to put me in a neck brace for life. She keeps flip-flopping between trying to make Apollo this sad, sympathetic anti-hero and the most egregious villain to walk the earth. You can not be both Zuko and Azula Rachel. You need to pick a lane and stay in it.

Apollo reveals that Zeus is in a coma and Hermes conveniently has the news up and running so we as the audience can be greeted with this:

"Attempted murder" you say? Of a being that literally can't die? Rachel, do you even know what attempted murder means?

"The defendant took at least one direct (but ineffective) step towards killing another person" and "The defendant intended to kill that person (malice aforethought)" -> California Law and Sentencing

While both of these are true in the fact that Apollo took the steps to kill Zeus and also intended to kill Zeus, they're gods. You can't murder a god. In order for murder to be attempted, or to even happen, the person in question has to be able to die. But then they're a human, not a god.

I feel like a more accurate report would be something along the lines of "Zeus has fallen victim to what seems to be a violent coup that has left him seriously incapacitated." Maybe that's not the best sentence to ever grace the writing scene, but hopefully my point is clear.

Also, how are people still oblivious to the fact that Apollo is, at the very least, incredibly suspicious right now. I mean his father has just been announced to be "dying" and instead of taking the time to mourn or even appear upset, he immediately slides into the position of power as King of the gods.

This chapter definitely wasn't as bad as 254, but it did make my brain hurt. Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas. See you all soon.

[iluvjesus666]

fuck it. chuck palahniuk's "guts" in pretty rainbow gradient

Inhale.

Take in as much air as you can.

This story should last about as long as you can hold your breath, and then just a little bit longer. So read as fast as you can.

A friend of mine, when he was thirteen years old he heard about "pegging." This is when a guy gets banged up the butt with a dildo. Stimulate the prostate gland hard enough, and the rumor is you can have explosive hands-free orgasms. At that age, this friend's a little sex maniac. He's always jonesing for a better way to get his rocks off. He goes out to buy a carrot and some petroleum jelly. To conduct a little private research. Then he pictures how it's going to look at the supermarket checkstand, the lonely carrot and petroleum jelly rolling down the conveyer belt toward the grocery store cashier. All the shoppers waiting in line, watching. Everyone seeing the big evening he has planned.

So, my friend, he buys milk and eggs and sugar and a carrot, all the ingredients for a carrot cake. And Vaseline.

Like he's going home to stick a carrot cake up his butt.

At home, he whittles the carrot into a blunt tool. He slathers it with grease and grinds his ass down on it. Then, nothing. No orgasm. Nothing happens except it hurts.

Then, this kid, his mom yells it's “suppertime”. She says to come down, right now.

He works the carrot out and stashes the slippery, filthy thing in the dirty clothes under his bed.

After dinner, he goes to find the carrot and it's gone. All his dirty clothes, while he ate dinner, his mom grabbed them all to do laundry. No way could she not find the carrot, carefully shaped with a paring knife from her kitchen, still shiny with lube and stinky.

This friend of mine, he waits months under a black cloud, waiting for his folks to confront him. And they never do. Ever. Even now he's grown up, that invisible carrot hangs over every Christmas dinner, every birthday party. Every Easter egg hunt with his kids, his parents' grandkids, that ghost carrot is hovering over all of them.

That something too awful to name.

People in France have a phrase: "Spirit of the Stairway." In French: Esprit de l'escalier. It means that moment when you find the answer, but it's too late. Say you're at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party…

As you start down the stairway, then — magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should've said. The perfect crippling put-down.

That's the Spirit of the Stairway.

The trouble is even the French don't have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do.

Some deeds are too low to even get a name. Too low to even get talked about.

Looking back, kid-psych experts, school counselors now say that most of the last peak in teen suicide was kids trying to choke while they beat off. Their folks would find them, a towel twisted around the kid's neck, the towel tied to the rod in their bedroom closet, the kid dead. Dead sperm everywhere. Of course the folks cleaned up. They put some pants on their kid. They made it look… better. Intentional at least. The regular kind of sad, teen suicide.

Another friend of mine, a kid from school, his older brother in the Navy said how guys in the Middle East jack off different than we do here. This brother was stationed in some camel country where the public market sells what could be fancy letter openers. Each fancy tool is just a thin rod of polished brass or silver, maybe as long as your hand, with a big tip at one end, either a big metal ball or the kind of fancy carved handle you'd see on a sword. This Navy brother says how Arab guys get their dick hard and then insert this metal rod inside the whole length of their boner. They jack off with the rod inside, and it makes getting off so much better. More intense.

It's this big brother who travels around the world, sending back French phrases. Russian phrases. Helpful jack-off tips.

After this, the little brother, one day he doesn't show up at school. That night, he calls to ask if I'll pick up his homework for the next couple weeks. Because he's in the hospital.

He's got to share a room with old people getting their guts worked on. He says how they all have to share the same television. All he's got for privacy is a curtain. His folks don't come and visit. On the phone, he says how right now his folks could just kill his big brother in the Navy.

On the phone, the kid says how, the day before, he was just a little stoned. At home in his bedroom, he was flopped on the bed. He was lighting a candle and flipping through some old porno magazines, getting ready to beat off. This is after he's heard from his Navy brother. That helpful hint about how Arabs beat off. The kid looks around for something that might do the job. A ball-point pen's too big. A pencil's too big and rough. But dripped down the side of the candle, there's a thin, smooth ridge of wax that just might work. With just the tip of one finger, this kid snaps the long ridge of wax off the candle. He rolls it smooth between the palms of his hands. Long and smooth and thin.

Stoned and horny, he slips it down inside, deeper and deeper into the piss slit of his boner. With a good hank of the wax still poking out the top, he gets to work.

Even now, he says those Arab guys are pretty damn smart. They've totally re-invented jacking off. Flat on his back in bed, things are getting so good, this kid can't keep track of the wax. He's one good squeeze from shooting his wad when the wax isn't sticking out anymore.

The thin wax rod, it's slipped inside. All the way inside. So deep inside he can't even feel the lump of it inside his piss tube.

From downstairs, his mom shouts it's suppertime. She says to come down, right now. This wax kid and the carrot kid are different people, but we all live pretty much the same life.

It's after dinner when the kid's guts start to hurt. It's wax so he figured it would just melt inside him and he'd pee it out. Now his back hurts. His kidneys. He can't stand straight.

This kid talking on the phone from his hospital bed, in the background you can hear bells ding, people screaming. Game shows.

The X-rays show the truth, something long and thin, bent double inside his bladder. This long, thin V inside him, it's collecting all the minerals in his piss. It's getting bigger and more rough, coated with crystals of calcium, it's bumping around, ripping up the soft lining of his bladder, blocking his piss from getting out. His kidneys are backed up. What little that leaks out his dick is red with blood.

This kid and his folks, his whole family, them looking at the black X-ray with the doctor and the nurses standing there, the big V of wax glowing white for everybody to see, he has to tell the truth. The way Arabs get off. What his big brother wrote him from the Navy.

On the phone, right now, he starts to cry.

They paid for the bladder operation with his college fund. One stupid mistake, and now he'll never be a lawyer.

Sticking stuff inside yourself. Sticking yourself inside stuff. A candle in your dick or your head in a noose, we knew it was going to be big trouble.

What got me in trouble, I called it “Pearl Diving”. This meant whacking off underwater, sitting on the bottom at the deep end of my parents' swimming pool. With one deep breath, I'd kick my way to the bottom and slip off my swim trucks. I'd sit down there for two, three, four minutes.

Just from jacking off, I had huge lung capacity. If I had the house to myself, I'd do this all afternoon. After I'd finally pump out my stuff, my sperm, it would hang there in big, fat, milky gobs.

After that was more diving, to catch it all. To collect it and wipe each handful in a towel. That's why it was called Pearl Diving. Even with chlorine, there was my sister to worry about. Or, Christ almighty, my Mom.

That used to be my worst fear in the world: my teenage virgin sister, thinking she's just getting fat, then giving birth to a two-headed retard baby. Both heads looking just like me. Me, the father and the uncle.

In the end, it's never what you worry about that gets you.

The best part of Pearl Diving was the inlet port for the swimming pool filter and the circulation pump. The best part was getting naked and sitting on it.

As the French would say: “Who doesn't like getting their butt sucked?”

Still, one minute you're just a kid getting off, and the next minute you'll never be a lawyer.

One minute, I'm settling on the pool bottom, and the sky is wavy, light blue through eight feet of water above my head. The world is silent except for the heartbeat in my ears. My yellow-striped swim trunks are looped around my neck for safe keeping, just in case a friend, a neighbor, anybody shows up to ask why I skipped football practice. The steady suck of the pool inlet hole is lapping at me and I'm grinding my skinny white ass around on that feeling.

One minute, I've got enough air, and my dick's in my hand. My folks are gone at their work and my sister's got ballet. Nobody's supposed to be home for hours.

My hand brings me right to getting off, and I stop. I swim up to catch another big breath. I dive down and settle on the bottom.

I do this again and again.

This must be why girls want to sit on your face. The suction is like taking a dump that never ends. My dick hard and getting my butt eaten out, I do not need air. My heartbeat in my ears, I stay under until bright stars of light start worming around in my eyes. My legs straight out, the back of each knee rubbed raw against the concrete bottom. My toes are turning blue, my toes and fingers wrinkled from being so long in the water.

And then I let it happen. The big white gobs start spouting. The pearls.

It's then I need some air. But when I go to kick off against the bottom, I can't. I can't get my feet under me. My ass is stuck.

Emergency paramedics will tell you that every year about 150 people get stuck this way, sucked by a circulation pump. Get your long hair caught, or your ass, and you're going to drown. Every

year, tons of people do. Most of them in Florida.

People just don't talk about it. Not even French people talk about everything.

Getting one knee up, getting one foot tucked under me, I get to half standing when I feel the tug against my butt. Getting my other foot under me, I kick off against the bottom. I'm kicking free, not touching the concrete, but not getting to the air, either.

Still kicking water, thrashing with both arms, I'm maybe halfway to the surface but not going higher. The heartbeat inside my head getting loud and fast.

The bright sparks of light crossing and criss-crossing my eyes, I turn and look back… but it doesn't make sense. This thick rope, some kind of snake, blue-white and braided with veins has come up out of the pool drain and it's holding onto my butt. Some of the veins are leaking blood, red blood that looks black underwater and drifts away from little rips in the pale skin of the snake. The blood trails away, disappearing in the water, and inside the snake's thin, blue-white skin you can see lumps of some half-digested meal.

That's the only way this makes sense. Some horrible sea monster, a sea serpent, something that's never seen the light of day, it's been hiding in the dark bottom of the pool drain, waiting to eat me.

So… I kick at it, at the slippery, rubbery knotted skin and veins of it, and more of it seems to pull out of the pool drain. It's maybe as long as my leg now, but still holding tight around my butthole. With another kick, I'm an inch closer to getting another breath. Still feeling the snake tug at my ass, I'm an inch closer to my escape.

Knotted inside the snake, you can see corn and peanuts. You can see a long bright-orange ball. It's the kind of horse-pill vitamin my Dad makes me take, to help put on weight. To get a football scholarship. With extra iron and omega-three fatty acids.

It's seeing that vitamin pill that saves my life.

It's not a snake. It's my large intestine, my colon pulled out of me. What doctors call, prolapsed. It's my guts sucked into the drain.

Paramedics will tell you a swimming pool pump pulls 80 gallons of water every minute. That's about 400 pounds of pressure. The big problem is we're all connected together inside. Your ass is just the far end of your mouth. If I let go, the pump keeps working - unraveling my insides, until it's got my tongue. Imagine taking a 400-pound shit, and you can see how this might turn you inside out.

What I can tell you is your guts don't feel much pain. Not the way your skin feels pain. The stuff you're digesting, doctor's call it fecal matter. Higher up is chyme, pockets of a thin runny mess studded with corn and peanuts and round green peas.

That's all this soup of blood and corn, shit and sperm and peanuts floating around me. Even with my guts unraveling out my ass, me holding onto what's left, even then my first want is to somehow get my swimsuit back on.

God forbid my folks see my dick.

My one hand holding a fist around my ass, my other hand snags my yellow-striped swim trunks and pulls them from around my neck. Still, getting into them is impossible.

You want to feel your intestines, go buy a pack of those lamb-skin condoms. Take one out and unroll it. Pack it with peanut butter. Smear it with petroleum jelly and hold it under water. Then, try to tear it. Try to pull it in half. It's too tough and rubbery. It's so slimy you can't hold on.

A lamb-skin condom, that's just plain old intestine.

You can see what I'm up against.

You let go for a second, and you're gutted.

You swim for the surface, for a breath, and you're gutted.

You don't swim, and you drown.

It's a choice between being dead right now or a minute from right now.

What my folks will find after work is a big naked fetus, curled in on itself. Floating in the cloudy water of their backyard pool. Tethered to the bottom by a thick rope of veins and twisted guts. The opposite of a kid hanging himself to death while he jacks off. This is the baby they brought home from the hospital thirteen years ago. Here's the kid they hoped would snag a football scholarship and get an MBA. Who'd care for them in their old age. Here's all their hopes and dreams. Floating here, naked and dead. All around him, big milky pearls of wasted sperm.

Either that or my folks will find me wrapped in a bloody towel, collapsed halfway from the pool to the kitchen telephone, the ragged, torn scrap of my guts still hanging out the leg of my yellow-striped swim trunks.

What even the French won't talk about.

That big brother in the Navy, he taught us one other good phrase. A Russian phrase. The way we say: "I need that like I need a hole in my head…" Russian people say: "I need that like I need teeth in my asshole…"

Mne eto nado kak zuby v zadnitse

Those stories about how animals caught in a trap will chew off their leg, well, any coyote would tell you a couple bites beats the hell out of being dead.

Hell… even if you're Russian, some day you just might want those teeth.

Otherwise, what you have to do is, you have to twist around. You hook one elbow behind your knee and pull that leg up into your face. You bite and snap at your own ass. You run out of air, and you will chew through anything to get that next breath.

It's not something you want to tell a girl on the first date. Not if you expect a kiss good night.

If I told you how it tasted, you would never, ever again eat calamari.

It's hard to say what my parents were more disgusted by: how I'd got in trouble or how I'd saved myself. After the hospital, my Mom said, "You didn't know what you were doing, honey. You were in shock." And she learned how to cook poached eggs.

All those people grossed out or feeling sorry for me…

I need that like I need teeth in my asshole.

Nowadays, people always tell me I look too skinny. People at dinner parties get all quiet and pissed off when I don't eat the pot roast they cooked. Pot roast kills me. Baked ham. Anything that hangs around inside my guts for longer than a couple hours, it comes out still food. Home-cooked lima beans or chunk light tuna fish, I'll stand up and find it still sitting there in the toilet.

After you have a radical bowel resectioning, you don't digest meat so great. Most people, you have five feet of large intestine. I'm lucky to have my six inches. So I never got a football scholarship. Never got an MBA. Both my friends, the wax kid and the carrot kid, they grew up, got big, but I've never weighed a pound more than I did that day when I was thirteen.

Another big problem was my folks paid a lot of good money for that swimming pool. In the end my Dad just told the pool guy it was a dog. The family dog fell in and drowned. The dead body got pulled into the pump. Even when the pool guy cracked open the filter casing and fished out a rubbery tube, a watery hank of intestine with a big orange vitamin pill still inside, even then, my Dad just said, "That dog was fucking nuts."

Even from my upstairs bedroom window, you could hear my Dad say, "We couldn't trust that dog alone for a second…"

Then my sister missed her period.

Even after they changed the pool water, after they sold the house and we moved to another state, after my sister's abortion, even then my folks never mentioned it again.

Ever.

That is our invisible carrot.

You. Now you can take a good, deep breath.

I still have not.

[daychanelyt]

Since your daring little act has gone pitifully stale, and not a single user bats an eye to bring it upon themselves to inquire about your series that dragged on for quite a while, I'll be of assistance to hopefully spark up the crowd. I DID enjoy being a part of this rollercoaster of a ride afterall. Though, quite dismayed I missed it's final stead.

If any you wish to share, what spiked your interests to finish this projects?

What were your initial plans? Did all of this still fit your vision, or not at all?

How was the creation of these characters been discussed? Who the heaven's unholy wrath are those other two we'd completely forgotten about?

How drastically were the characters changed from what you originally wanted them to be? Did you like these alterations or no?

How was the dreaded fire and brimstone that is dealing with the ungodly wrath of the lunatic anons, and their targeted negativity?

Do you think that the story presented is clear, or have you still left some doors open, mysteries still left unsolved, or lingering? Waiting to be sought out?

Now then, that's all that I can think of to get you started, dear. Have a nice day, delicious friend.

Ok- please don't eat me.

Q1

Uhm- I mean if I left it like that it would be bad to be left forgotten. ( also I'll be sure to have the whole story in the log soon dw.

Q2

Some of them did end somewhat How I wanted them to. And I'm honestly glad I stuck to my guns on these ones. But no- my original concept was dead on the ground as stated before.

Q3

I created them by discussing it with a person who was going to make my original designs ( Carrot Cake ). No not Designs. More like I made the original idea and then they gave me some feedback once we both knew we won't be able to continue this contact. Then came in Meranti and Ring Ring. Ring Ring was the one to ask me general questions while Meranti was the one doing the detective-like searches into my characters. In the end it was mostly my own belief and designer choices. ( I stole the idea of Carrots Fighting glove earrings idea.(With his permission of course) )

Q4

The two you forgot about and the thing Tommy kept bringing up in the Ending was L and 32. If I ever do an Epilogue you can bet I'll end this one off finally if not then assume they were fine ever after.

Q5

Oh very... VERY different. At first I thought I could make camo suits! Ha! Very funny. Tommy's designer was going to evolve with him but that was scrapped after I realized I was unable to draw his signature hat. G-Man was going to be more business than casual that he ended up with. Coomer was going to have a pattern shirt as well as normal coloring in the computer;( everyone else came after this designe ). Benrey was the same from the beginning to the end. Darnold was the same as well once I nailed down the style. Gordon I did not make as said and Barney and Boper were both made from a memory I had of them. ( Gnomes are drawn from a reference and The dogs are dog images but Sunkist is pixelated. )

Q6

It was fun to answer their chaos with my own. Though The Old Goat came out of nowhere. I made Bubby to fit the tale of the turtle yet he ended up not fitting anything in the end. Pushing him to be his own bad guy instead of following one path. The Internet Alcohol saga was also funny. I think it was a great time overall.

Q7

There is one mystery I know 100% no one solved yet. Though my description of the series in the previous ask was somewhat revealing. Also the L and 32 mystery was not solved at all, left to stay in place. Though I know some of you already know the ending anyway.

[howlingday]

jaune's from a family of raiders

well not quite he's from a culture that puts a lot of stock in capturing and ransoming off their friends and neighbors from other tribes. think of it like a combat sport only some times you're also stealing cattle and horses.

he's a prince of the high king

well again it's more complicated the kingdoms are like city states they don't exactly legislate or collect taxes all the way out into the wilds. but they do send huntsmen to protect the area and then tax the huntsmen.

jaune's dad just happened to be a huntsman who didn't pay taxes because the area his family had lived in for generations also happened to be outside the control of vale. and lots of people wanna live near the huntsmen who can keep them safe. so he has a position of respect among all the tribes. and jaune is his son

he's also required to have a harem

this one is interesting because it's one of those cultural things that seems weird from the outside but makes more sense when you look at it. men are hard to keep alive without a hospital. even with aura. women are part of a protected group like children and so take less risks in life. leading to there being a ton more women than men. and since technology isn't quite to the level of the kingdoms proper,

well more hands to help maintain a house isn't bad right?

but most of all jaune is a man who only wants to do right by his family, whether that be those from the past, or the woman, or women, that he loves.

and this part needs no further clarification

tldr: au where jaune's part of a tribal community and brings his lover or lovers home to meet the family. how does that go for everyone?

P.S: also sorry for the flowery ask, i felt inspired by something

Ooh, do tell the inspiration!

"Unhand me, you brute!" Jaune sighed as the girl in white screeched and squirmed behind him. "Do you know who I am?! When my family hears of this, they will hang you for this! Do you hear me?"

Jaune kept his focus on the road ahead as he gripped the reigns of Valorie, his mare, glancing left and right occasionally to avoid an ambush. His family might have a hold on the territory, but with his father growing in age, so, too, did that grip loosen. A rival tribe or rogue patrol from the kingdoms would easily snatch up an easy target like the lone swordsman and his latest bride.

"Could you at least tell me where we're going?"

"Home." Jaune answered, not looking back.

"Oh, yes, of course! How could I not know? And where exactly is your home?"

"Just up ahead."

"Uh huh, I see, and what are you going to do once you're home?"

Jaune let out a long sigh as he stretched his shoulders a bit. "Well, drop you off with the others, then have you judged, if there's enough time."

"Judged?" Weiss raised an eyebrow. "Judged for what?"

"Wife material." Weiss blushed and her jaw dropped. "Can you cook; can you clean; are you good with children; can you have children; do you have any family illnesses?" He shrugged. "Routine wedding discussions."

"W-Wedding?!" Ah, and just like that, the shrieking began anew. "You savage! You brute! I refuse to be treated like some stock taken to auction, about to be sold to some pervert noble!"

"You're not being sold to a noble." Jaune smiled and looked back. "Just me." Before she could begin again, Jaune let out a sigh of relief. "Finally, we're home."

It may have only been about a week since Jaune had left, but it felt like forever since his departure from the lands of Arcadia. The valleys and hills were as green and lush as ever, and the summer winds carried the calming scent of flowers across it all. He passed the growing crops, where he saw his sisters, their wives, and some of his own watering and tending to them. They waved to him, and he returned one to them.

"Welcome home, Miss Weiss." The girl marveled at the beauty. She had only heard of such places from her studies in the manor, but to see it in person was something else. Before she could admire it more, however, the mare stopped, jostling her from her focus.

Jaune slid down, then pulled Weiss down as well, carrying her bridal style. He then set her onto her own feet and untied the binds on her wrists and ankles. She lifted her leg, then kicked his shin. He yelped in pain.

"That was for the kidnapping!" She shouted.

"Yeesh! Just a kick?" Weiss turned to see a lilac-eyed blonde woman in fieldwork garments smiling at her. "When he dropped me off, they had to get his old man to get me off of him." She looked past Weiss to Jaune. "You going soft on me, or just your taste in women?"

"And who are you?" Weiss spat. "One of his whores?"

Yang laughed and placed a sweaty, mud-encrusted paw on her delicate shoulder. It felt warm at first, then hot as her grip became tight, and her eyes red. "I dare you to say that again."

"Yang, stop it!" Weiss and Yang looked to the younger girl running from inside the house. She was a brunette with red tips and silver eyes, and she wore a red apron that she had to roll up to her shins. She futilely tugged on the blonde woman's arm. "Jaune told you not to hurt anyone else!"

She let go, making the girl yelp as she was lifted with her arm. "Aw, c'mon, Rubes, we were just playing!" She then looked to Weiss, her eyes lilac once more. "Ain't that right, Ice Queen?"

"Ice Queen?!" Weiss balked.

"Yang, cut it out, please." Jaune sighed.

"Fine, fine!" Yang turned around, lowering her arm. The smaller girl let go as she walked away. "Besides, the crops won't grow themselves. I'll go be a good workhorse." She stopped to look back and winked. "I expect my carrot tonight, though, sweetheart~."

"Play nice and we'll see." Jaune responded with a smile. With that, Yang chuckled and resumed walking, swaying her hips for a few more yards before jogging back to the field. He looked to the younger girl and smiled. "And how have you been, Ruby?"

She sighed. "Do you mean after you left, or after you came back?"

"Both."

"After you left, I missed you. It was your mom's birthday, but I couldn't afford a present, so I took on her chores for the week, but I didn't expect her chores included chimney cleaning, so now I have soot so far up my nose, I'm still sneezing black. Then I had to tend to the chickens, but they're so vicious, and I swear they can smell weakness, because the rooster jumped me at least six times. Then Zwei needed a bath, but he somehow tricked me into the tub, so I smell like wet dog a little bit. And then I had to bake her cake all on my own, but there were eggshells in it and it came out both burnt and raw somehow, and I just- Argh!" Ruby collapsed into Jaune's torso. "I really missed you."

Jaune held her and kissed the crown of her head. "I missed you, too, Ruby." He stepped back and held a hand outward towards Weiss. "Ruby Rose-Arc, this is Weiss Schnee. She's going to be my newest bride." He looked to Weiss. "Weiss Schnee, this is Ruby Rose-Arc, my second wife. She and Yang will help prepare you for judging."

"It's so nice to meet you!" Ruby swooped in, snatching the other woman's hands in hers. Her smile was wide and bright. "It'll be nice to have another short girl in our home!"

"No!" Weiss yanked her hands away. "I refuse! When my father hears of this, he'll-"

"Oh, that reminds me!" Jaune walked to Valorie and reached into her saddlebag. Weiss grumbled as she watched him pull out a small, burlap sack. "Here, Ruby. This was part of the dowry, but I want you to have it."

Ruby opened the sack and squealed in delight. "Dust crystals!" She hugged the new woman tightly. "You are the bestest bestie a bestie could ever have!"

"What the-?! Where did you get those?!" Weiss shrieked.

"From your father." Ruby ran inside with her new sack. "In exchange for marrying you, we'll allow him to trade through our lands."

"My father would never-!" Jaune gave her a curious look. "I mean, not to one of his own-!" Her voice grew softer. "I thought..."

"Listen," Jaune placed a hand on her shoulder, "if you don't want to marry me, I understand. Most of the others didn't want to, either. But if you give it a few days, you might learn to love it here. You won't go hungry, you'll be well protected, and I promise you'll be loved every day."

"I just... I didn't think I would be treated like this. By my own family."

"I know." Jaune removed his hand. "Would it be okay if I hugged you?"

"I-"

"JAUNEY!" The two saw a young woman bull rush towards Jaune, carrying a dead boar high above her head. Jaune extended his arms out and caught her, spinning in place at least a dozen times. Blood sprayed around, including onto Weiss and the other two as they embraced. When they stopped, Jaune set her down, giving her a butterfly kiss with his nose to hers. "You're home!"

Jaune chuckled. "Yup!" He peered around her and looked to Weiss. "And I brought back someone new."

Nora turned around and gasped as she looked at Weiss. "Oh! My! Dust! You are so small!" She looked to Jaune and waggled her brow. "Be careful you don't break her!" She then laughed. "I'd shake your hand, but, uh, I'm a little busy. I'm Nora Valkyrie-Arc, Jaune's fourth wife."

"Weiss Schnee." Blood dripped from her hair. "And I was just about to leave."

"Aw! Already?! We were gonna make pancakes tomorrow!"

"I was going to make pancakes, Nora." Weiss turned to the male voice and saw a slim man in the doorway, wearing both an apron and a blank expression. "Just like I do every morning for you."

"Renny!" Nora cheered before tossing the trophy to him. "This is my first husband, Lie-Valkyrie Ren!"

Despite his slim figure, the man held the heavy beast with seemingly no trouble. "A pleasure to meet you." He nodded, before turning to head inside.

"Is he also your husband?" Weiss asked. Jaune chuckled nervously. This was going to be a long day, but they both already knew that.

[damselofblueroses]

Bambi, Prologue

You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?

Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations' session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.

You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.

Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?

Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to friends.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story will be four or five chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.

Prologue

The Mid of April, Sejong Institute, the Department of Archaeology

“Could you give me Bulfinch?” you asked to your teammate. “I have to check the layers of the Underworld.”

“Here you go.” Junmyeon gave the thick book to you. While you were searching for the details in your mind, Junmyeon was dealing with the plan of construction.

You have been knowing each other since the last 10 years, working together was nothing but natural as breathing for both of you. Junmyeon was older than you and supposed to be superior to you, however he decided to pursue a career not in the field, but in the library, you became the leader of the archaeological team of Sejong Institute.

“Indy,” Junmyeon called you by your nickname. You automatically lifted your head, your nickname became your Pavlovian weakness, sometimes you forgot your real name. “Be a good girl and pass me the cookie jar.”

You wholeheartedly laughed at his face expression and threw him his favourite chocolate cookie.

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” you asked, stretching your body. “My battery is literally going down; let’s grab an americano.”

“Only if you buy me a carrot cake.”

Junmyeon had a sweet tooth, as he opened the package and swallowed the cookie just without even chewing.

“Okey, big boy.” you smacked his shoulder, standing up. “You are goddamn lucky for having that fast metabolism, you know.”

“My darling girl, I work out in a fucking routine.” he grinned like a 5-year-old boy. You really loved to see his cockiness. “My body ratio is not a heavenly gift; I gain every muscle with tears and blood.”

“What kind of god can reward you, shitty dandy?” you chuckled. “You are a walking blasphemy.”

“Still better than you.” Junmyeon pulled your hair by laughing.

“You are definitely right.” you lolled your tongue out of your mouth. “Come on, move your bloody but peachy butt!”

Actually, you were shy, quiet but quick to make sharp remarks. However, Junmyeon was more than a teammate; he was the closest one to a brother for you, you have been always so relaxed when you were with him. The outcome of your friendship was the freedom of speech, you could be vocal as much as you wanted. Junmyeon was never offended by anything you would say, the same applied also to you. You were his dear sister, your families became friends because of you.

You could not imagine your life without Junmyeon.

“What do you think about the digging session?” you asked to him when you were waiting in the line. Junmyeon was trying to select his dessert, carrot cake was already forgotten.

“Well, you will be the team leader, that is sure thing.” he huffed. “Most probably they will ask you who do you want in your team, and you will not name me if you want to live.”

“You are the last one who I am going to choose when it comes to work in the trenches.” you smirked. “Who wants a cry baby in the field?”

“Oh.” Junmyeon turned you, shooting a dirty look, which only led you to bite your upper lip in order to prevent bursting into laughs. “You need a brain; those muscular tough babies cannot figure even how to use tools out.

“But they do not run away when they see a bug.” you could not help but start to laugh. “Do you r-

“Shut the fuck up.” Junmyeon covered your mouth with his hand. “You are banned to talk about that incident from now on. Ever.”

“But,” you took his hands off you, tears forming in the edges of your eyes due to the memory you remembered. Junmyeon gave you a deadly stare, but you could not help. “You were running over the hill because you came across to a spider in your trench. Didn’t you give up on becoming Indiana in our first digging session?”

“No, I preferred to protect my own dignity.” he shook his head, then he also burst into laughs. “Jesus, I hate spiders and one Indy is enough for the family.”

“At least you learned that X never marks the spot before quitting.” you murmured, then pointed what you want to him. “Blueberry muffin, Jun. It looks yummy.”

“At least you learned that rolling in the dirt is not for the people who has a class.” Junmyeon ordered two americanos, one blueberry muffin and one red velvet cake. “Jokes aside, there are some gossips. Did you hear any of them?”

“Damnit, yes.” you exhaled and pinched the bridge of your nose. “The Executive Board is thinking to build a collaboration between us and Sunkyungwan people.”

“Yeah.” Junmyeon sat down on a chair, helped you to settle yourself. “And if they do, you know who is going to be the other team leader, right?”

“Do not tell me.” you covered your ears with your hands. You knew, you already heard the possible name, however even the possibility was giving you nothing but headache. “That’s why I asked your opinion. If that bastard will be my fucking colleague for Chios, I think I will pass this session”

“Hell, over my dead body.” Junmyeon aggressively grasped his little fork. “I know how much you guys despise each other, but this is your fucking career. Do not even dare to think you can turn your back to an opportunity.”

“But, Ju-

“No.” he was firm as fuck. “If they will give you the excavation of Chios, you will be fucking happy and you will accept their fucking propose. Chios will be the icing of the cake for you, you always want to lead an excavation in the Aegean.”

“You are right.” you knew when the occasion called to not push Junmyeon’s limits. Career came first, the rest is not important was his mentality. “You are right, but I really do not draw myself working with him.”

“Ignore him. You do not have to see him every day, ditch him in the field, goddamn.” Jun chewed a mouthful bite of his cake. “I do not want you to be facing with the Board, standing for no ground. If they will manage to build the connection, Sunkyungwan will appoint Byun Baekhyun as the leader for sure.”

You did not answer his god-fucking-damn-it prediction, but even thinking about it made you want to puke.

You vividly remember Byun Baekhyun, a fucking tease, and a smartass, from your bachelor years. You were not the type of people who could easily hate someone, but you hated Byun Baekhyun since the first day you met. He was a cockhead and dandy, he was a real scumbag, always so full of himself, underestimating everyone and their abilities, thinking he was the star of the universe. To your dismay, both of you were accepted from same university for your master and you had to endure his presence till he accepted the offer of Sunkyungwan.

You never tell this to Junmyeon, hell, he would not spend even a second to kill you if he would learn this, but you turned the offer of Sunkyungwan just because of Byun Baekhyun’s acceptance.

You hated him to the bits.

And you really did not know what the heck you were going to do if Sejong’s Executive Board was going to approve the collaboration. You looked at Junmyeon, he certainly was not going to let you to turn the offer down, and this time you could not hide the fact from him.

You grunted inside of your brain.

The Beginning of May, Sunkyungwan, the Department of Archaeology

Byun Baekhyun was happy.

More than happy till now.

He just stormed into his room, trying to register the news.

You? Were you really going to be his fucking colleague for fucking three months?!

He remembered you very well, and he was %100 sure of there was no person in this universe, he despised more than you. He even could not endure to share same atmosphere with you. He always wanted to fuck your attitudes out of you since he met you.

And was he really going to see your fucking face for three months, in an island?!

It had to be a bloody joke. A bloody plot on Baekhyun.

“I said,” he screamed when he heard his door was opened. “I do not want to see anyone!”

“Even an old friend?” a kind voice asked, Baekhyun immediately turned to the door.

Junmyeon was there, smiling to him. Baekhyun was startled, he was definitely caught off guard.

“Hyung?” he murmured. “Junmyeon Hyung?”

“Yeah.” Junmyeon’s smile widened. “May I come or not?”

“JUNMYEON HYUNG!” Baekhyun forgot you for a second and threw himself onto Junmyeon. He loved Junmyeon very much, enough to forgive his close relationship with you. “Welcome!”

Junmyeon smiled and hugged to Baekhyun but averted his eyes from him.

There was a plan in Junmyeon’s mind since years, and he had the chance of making it true after the news of collaboration. He averted his eyes also from you because he did not want anyone to understand his real intentions about you and Baekhyun.

Junmyeon smiled to Baekhyun.

[blueinkphantom]

Thinking about who I wanna hurt today with angst...

/dsmp /roleplay (all names are characters)

Just one thought I have is, what would happen if Quackity just continued with the torture and didn’t trap Techno with Dream inside.

What if at some point Dream just completely breaks? He doesn’t move anymore. No sound comes from him. No reaction. Nothing. He’s just still, silent. Unresponsive as if there was no life in him. His eyes don’t move except for the occasional blink that keeps the eyes from drying. There’s no indication of life except for the slow and shaky rise and fall of his chest that comes with breathing and the blinking.

How would Quackity react to this Dream that might as well be dead? Does he keep on inflicting physical pain? Or would he stop, realizing it’s become completely pointless by now? Is he disturbed by what his actions caused in a person that was once full of life? He might try to get a reaction by new tactics. A potato dangling in front of Dream’s eyes. Later on a carrot, a beet, a cookie, a piece of cake. It doesn’t matter what he puts in the other’s line of sight. There’s no reaction. Nothing except the breathing and blinking. No light suddenly appearing at the sight of food that’s been kept from him. No fear at the sight of netherite weapons or shears. Nothing. No emotion sparks behind the eyes of the now unmasked man.

How would Sam react once he learns of this new... change? Will he think it’s another attention-seeking action? What will it take him to be convinced that Dream really is broken now? Who accepts it first? It looks similar to a few times when there was no visitor. Similar to many of the aftermaths of Quackity’s sessions. Times when Dream was also just lying on the floor. Except there were more sounds. More pained grunts as he tried to slowly get himself into a corner. Trying to reach the small space between chest and wall. The sounds that were missing now. The life was drained out, leaving something that might as well be a corpse. Both considered making the breathing body exactly that.

Would anyone else ever find out? Maybe Techno would somehow. After all, he might have planned to visit him anyway. If he was turned around and forbidden entry, would he force his way in? Once met with the still body of his rival, what will he do? There seems to be two options. The first, taking Dream out of this huge tool box and get him back if that was even possible. With the lack of any response, it seemed a bit unlikely. Which would leave the second option. Death by his rival seemed like a death with more honor than death by your enemy and torturer. Techno didn’t need his ally to tell him where these wounds came from or the dead-like state. It was obvious.

Will Bad ever visit again? Will Bad ever step foot into the prison as a guard as well as Ant? Once the crimson fully left their brain, is it possible that Bad remembers something he wanted to do and finally gets to it? Would Sam be able to stop Bad and Ant from figuring out anything? Maybe with some words about how dangerous Dream is but would that even work if both are allowed armour in the prison as guards? They might be the ones to tell the rest. After all, Sam didn’t so far and both doubted he would. Looking at the broken shell of his friend, would Bad know that there was more than the simple conditions Pandora’s Vault at fault for it? He might try to get Sam to tell him what happened. How much would he be informed of? What will he do with the knowledge and job at the prison?

How would Sapnap react once news reach him? Will he think that it’s even possible to break Dream to the point of a death-like state? The last time he saw him, Dream seemed so convinced that he will break out at some point. This Dream... this Dream doesn’t look like he want that. He went there himself. He needed to if he really wanted to believe the words of the others. But he still couldn’t truly wrap his head around. The body lying there had to be someone or something else but not Dream. But it was Dream, he just couldn’t truly accept it. How could one accept that they lost their friend once again but this time some other way? This time not to a spiraling into madness but to a state of utter lifelessness despite the small bit of life still noticeable in the breathing and blinking.

Would George learn of it? When Sapnap tells him, would he think it’s a dream first? After all, there’s no way Dream is actually gone. The denial is quite similar to other times. He still doesn’t go inside the prison. He prefers the Schrödinger state instead. As long as he doesn’t see Dream’s unmoving body, there’s still the possibility of it not being true. Dreams are not a place he can hide in anymore. XD seems to... he doesn’t know what word would fit. Calling for the god didn’t bring him to the mortal. When he slept, there were no dreams to be had. It was a bit unnerving. He tried to ignore it. Tried to sleep it away. There wasn’t anything entertaining. There wasn’t anything he wanted to see.

What would Wilbur do once he learns of the empty shell his hero is now? The poker face he had on when told of the news circulating was unreadable. Meanwhile his brain tried to register the words spoken to him. Dream. The man who resurrected him, who saved him from the gray of limbo, was shattered. The one that looked fine on that train station when coming to get him. But thinking back, that might have been an illusion based on memory. It was the spectral plane. No reason for actual appearances to transfer. More the last view one had of the person and the last Wilbur saw of Dream was the man standing above the country that was blown up. A Dream that was strong, undefeatable, unbeatable. The unmoving body that lays in the walls of void-dark stone was a mockery. Thinking about it more rational, it made sense. Everyone has a breaking point. Be it the one for craving death, the one for lashing out or the one for becoming truly numb. It was foolish to think Dream was different. But Dream was the villain. Only the middle should be possible for him, shouldn’t it?

Who would believe this to be truly Dream now? Who is gonna deny it and say it's just another manipulation tactic? Would anyone try to get Dream back? At least in a way that he reacts? A few might. Some might want to leave him like this. Some might want to take his last life.

How would everyone react?

W̴̨̜̃̏͒͑̇̓̐̆̄͘h̷̨͉͇̻̫̊̈̈́͗̒̄̊͌̾̕ä̸͓̩́̀̑͊̆͋t̴̜͖̞͇̬͇̝̬̰̏̈́̽͌̈͝ ̴̛̭̖̝̜̭̩̙͔̱͊͛̾̑̆͊̕w̸̍́͊͘͜o̴̰̥̟̳͎͂̀͘û̴̮̣͇̔l̵͎̼͎̾̔d̶̳̍̎ ̴̿͐̎��̬͇̖̞̰͗̔͝Ẍ̸̡̬̠̻̱͑̃͂͒D̴͔̞̣̦̜̹̟̅͒ ̵͈̠̜͎͕͓̣͓̦͌̈̇̒͠d̶̡͇̳̭̃̽̔ǫ̶̡̺̎͌̃̐̔̅̑͂͛̕?̷͖̃̊̊͂͆̊́

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,912 Words

Summary: The Todoroki family drama yet again.

Warnings: Cursing, Caps, Food Mention, Abuse Mention, Teen Pregnancy Mention, Arranged Marriage Mention, Forced Marriage Mention, Forced Pregnancy Mention, Blood Mention, Near Death Mention, Death Mention, Pregnancy Mention, Secret Pregnancy Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Area 51   Aoyama: bonjour je suis Dora, Ashido: aggressive chicken dance, Asui: wut, Iida: Human Porche, Uraraka: Fuck Gravity, Ojiro: ceouolo, Kaminari: pikachoo, Kirishima: ordained, Koda: the muffin man?, Sato: dammit kevin, Shoji: pIaNoMaN, Jirou: neko neko kneecaps, Sero: wine and cheerios, Tokoyami: brb drowning, Todoroki: daddy issues, Hagakure: oreosandpussy, Bakugo: mother i crave violence, Midoriya: mistakes were made Mineta: Mineta, Shinsou: its a mental breakdown, Yaoyorozu: single braincell

Usernames: Emo Sanctuary  Jirou: tell tale heart, Tokoyami: eldritch peep, Todoroki: i love you 3000, Bakugou: knife tag, Midoriya: bitchasaurus, Shinsou: unhappy meal, Kuroiro: meth and deadamine, Shigaraki: depresso extra shot, Dabi: *sad kazoo*

Usernames: I Hate This Family  Shigaraki: I'm A Duck Now, Dabi: Unidentified Flaming Object, Toga: Mothman's Descendant, Twice: Car's Extended Warrantee, Compress: Communist Propaganda, Magne: Sir This Is A Wendy's, Spinner: I Taste Like Chicken

Usernames: Endeavor Hate Chat  Fuyumi: coconut cake, Natsuo: lemon cake, Shoto: red velvet cake, Haruhi/Dabi/Touya: chocolate cake, Bakugou: carrot cake, Shinsou: strawberry cake

Into The Group Chat We Go: Chapter 5

12:35 PM

Area 51

daddy issues: He looks like my oldest brother, Touya. he disappeared after I was born. But he looks just like him from the picture albums, but, you know, taller...and happy?

mother i crave violence: Ask him.

daddy issues: He looks so happy with Shinsou. Maybe I should just leave it. He doesn't need to be burdened with the family he left behind.

mother i crave violence: I'll fight you. Get downstairs, we need to make lunch for ourselves anyway and I won't have you trying to cook in your room.

Aizawa: No fighting, you two. But no cooking in your room either, Todoroki, that's dangerous.

daddy issues: Fuck both of you. I just won't eat then.

Aizawa: I hate children.

daddy issues: And I hate you, so we're even.

Aizawa: You can't push away every father figure in your life, kid. It won't work on the stubborn ones like me.

daddy issues: If this is your way of saying you want to steal me from my father and keep me as your own son, I won't object.

Aizawa: Alright, that too. Now come eat. You don't even need to talk to him.

daddy issues: I hate this fucking family.

daddy issues: Fine.

12:45 PM

I Hate This Family

Unidentified Flaming Object: I think we miscalculated. Don't address it, this is my problem, @I'm A Duck Now.

Mothman's Descendant: What happened?

Unidentified Flaming Object: I forgot a family member of mine goes to UA and he might knows what I look like since I look like I used to before the accident and my family might still have some pictures of me around for him to recognize me.

Sir This Is A Wendy's: YOU'RE BLOWING OUR COVER!?

Unidentified Flaming Object: He doesn't know I became a villain. To him, I'm just a "sibling" he never met. Unfortunately, I'm actually his mother.

Communist Propaganda: Do you think he knows by now?

Car's Extended Warrantee: Oh shit, man. You gonna be okay over there?

Unidentified Flaming Object: He probably doesn't know. The old man never even told Fuyumi that I was Shoto's mother. He probably didn't even tell him he had a different legal name on his first birth certificate.

I'm A Duck Now: Maybe call him by the name you named him?

12:55 PM

Area 51

oreosandpussy: Haruhi asked if someone named Akimitsu wants any plum kitkats.

fuck gravity: Isn't that your favorite candy, Todoroki?

daddy issues is now offline

wut: I feel like that's a bad sign.

oreosandpussy: They both just stared at each other and left the room!

its a mental breakdown: sibling bond telepathy.

wine and cheerios: No because none of my siblings and I can do that. That's not fair.

ceouolo: you have siblings?

wine and cheerios: yeah, I have nine siblings, man.

ceouolo: Sero wins that bet. He has the most siblings. I thought Hagakure would win with five sisters.

oreosandpussy: We're getting away from the point here. Haruhi and Shoto just disappeared after Haruhi said the name of someone who isn't here.

fuck gravity: Todoroki is probably back-alley dealing him use of Endeavor's credit card for the kitkats knowing him.

2:25 PM

I Hate This Family

Unidentified Flaming Object: So I told my kid that I'm his mother. He took it better than I thought and he wants to call me Dad now and I think I'm going to cry tonight.

Mothman's Descendant: Good job, Touya!

2:25 PM

Area 51

daddy issues: I'd like to announce I have a shiny new father who doesn't come with abusive tendencies and is actually my biological parent.

its a mental breakdown: I'm so proud of you!

daddy issues: I just realized I got a two for one. I just got a real dad and an adopted brother all in one.

its a mental breakdown: still supportive but what? please explain.

daddy issues: Haruhi's legal name is Touya and he's my biological mother. Enji forced him into a very young arranged quirk marriage at 12 for more spawn to train because Rei became infertile after Natsuo due to the emergency hysterectomy they performed on her to save her life because she was hemorrhaging. I was the sole result of that marriage before Haruhi ran away but wasn't able to take me with him since Endeavor passed me off as his own child with Rei after paying the doctors that did her hysterectomy not to talk.

fuck gravity: Sho, Haruhi's a guy.

daddy issues: Yes, he's transgender. So he's my biological mother but he's my Dad.

oreosandpussy: Does this have something to do with the 'Akimitsu' thing?

daddy issues: Actually, my birth name was Akimitsu. He named me and Natsuo used to call me that when Enji wasn't home because he'd heard Haruhi call me that once before he ran away. Endewhore and Rei renamed me almost immediately on a second birth certificate they'd had made as if I was Rei's son.

mother i crave violence: Technically, you got two adopted brothers. Me and Shinsou.

daddy issues: And you two got another brother too.

aggressive chicken dance: dumbass trio.

mother i crave violence: I'm oldest, I automatically win.

its a mental breakdown: Ask Haruhi what kind of quirk your sperm donor had.

daddy issues: He says it was a mental block quirk. Oh my god, the dude had blue hair. Hitoshi, blue fucking hair with Haruhi's red hair.

its a mental breakdown: Are we sure he's not my real parent?

mother i crave violence: Toshi, your birthday is in July. He couldn't have had you five months after he had Shoto.

daddy issues: Well, actually, that's technically possible, in a longshot kind of way since he was about seven months when he had me.

its a mental breakdown: Regardless, I say we claim we're triplets and Haruhi had the two of us after he ran away.

daddy issues: He says that's a funny idea and he's absolutely going with it.

daddy issues: I'm also adding all three of you to our family's group chat once I can go Endeavor's home and grab my legal documents and the rest of my things tonight. So that'll be fun.

Aizawa: I and Present Mic will go with you.

pikachoo has changed Aizawa's name to Mom

pikachoo: Because you're basically our mom.

Mom: You may live because I'm busy.

8:00 PM

Endeavor Hate Chat

red velvet cake: I'm heading home tonight to grab things with my two friends, two teachers, and someone else. Is Enji there?

coconut cake: No, he's out patrolling and all.

red velvet cake: Good. Would you like to help me move all my stuff out, including my legal documents?

coconut cake: Wait, what!? Why!?

red velvet cake: I would like you to remain calm, alright? Enji isn't my father and you aren't my sister, nor Natsuo my brother. I'm not the child of Todoroki Enji and Himura Rei.

coconut cake: Shoto, I know you hate being part of the family but you can't disown us! I love you! I'll change, I promise! I'll finally cut Enji off, just please keep me in your life!

red velvet cake: That's not it, Fuyumi. I'm saying these things because Rei is not my mother, she's my grandmother. Enji is my grandfather, You and Natsuo are my aunt and uncle. I know about Touya now and I know what happened now.

lemon cake: Akimitsu?

red velvet cake: Yes, I know about the Akimitsu situation. Probably more than you do, actually.

lemon cake: What else is there?

red velvet cake: One minute. Let me just.

red velvet cake has added Haruhi, Hitoshi, and Katsuki to Endeavor Hate Chat

coconut cake: Who are they?

red velvet cake: Hitoshi and Katsuki are my brothers. Haruhi is my Dad. You two probably know him better by the name Touya.

lemon cake: You're fucking with me. Stop it, Shoto.

coconut cake: Shoto, this prank or whatever isn't funny!

red velvet has started a video chat

Dad, say hi to Fuyumi and Natsuo. -red velvet cake

Hey, there guys. Long time no see? -Haruhi

Oh my god, you're really here. I thought you were dead, Touya. Can I still call you that? -lemon cake

I go by either Touya or Haruhi, I don't mind which. -Haruhi

We're visiting the house with my teachers, Eraserhead and Present Mic, to move the rest of my things out of Enji's home and into my dorm room. -red velvet cake

That sounds like a plan. I'll be over in about ten minutes to help them, Fuyu. -lemon cake

Oh yeah, and what are you guy's favorite cake flavors? Which one do you like the most? -coconut cake

Chocolate. -Haruhi

Carrot. -Katsuki

Ew, Kats. Strawberry. -Hitoshi

Yours are both gross. But I'll bear it because you're my sons. -Haruhi

Oh my god. -red velvet cake

red velvet cake has ended the video chat

coconut cake has changed Haruhi's name to chocolate cake

coconut cake has changed Katsuki's name to carrot cake

coconut cake has changed Hitoshi's name to strawberry cake

10:50 PM

Area 51

daddy issues: I am now 100% moved out of Endeavor's house and I found my original birth certificate listing my birth parents.

daddy issues: I also found some hidden documents and medical records. Turns out me and Shinsou really are brothers and Haruhi had no fucking idea because he didn't even know he was still pregnant when he had him.

brb drowning: What the fuck?

neko neko kneecaps: How would he not know!?

daddy issues: He went to the hospital and the doctors took Hitoshi away from Haruhi because they found out he was a homeless kid so they sedated him, must have cut Toshi out, and left Toshi on an orphanage's doorstep.

daddy issues: But they tested Hito and still sent Enji his birth certificate, so I don't know why they lied to Dad.

its a mental breakdown: So I guess you could say I was a secret during the pregnancy even from my own mother?

fuck gravity: But he had you in January, Shoto? And then he had Shinsou in July five months later?

Human Porche: Hold on, Shinsou is 14 by that math.

its a mental breakdown: Actually, the nuns who raised me lied about my birthday to only me so I've been mistakenly putting my birthday down as July 1st on school forms for the last ten years. They did it just so I wouldn't find my mother. Which, again, doesn't make sense. Maybe someone wrote it wrong? But I was actually born on January 12th. Technically me and Sho are fraternal twins with different birthdays.

mother i crave violence: So I'm Haruhi's only not biological son.

is a mental breakdown: We love you, Katsuki.

daddy issues: We love you, Kats.

neko neko kneecaps: They're twins, your honor.

pikachoo: You two are cute being twins.

mother i crave violence: This is creepy. The twins are creepy.

mistakes were made: Next we'll find out Kirishima and Tetsutetsu are twins or something.

ordained: We are. Mom got me, Dad got him. Our Mom has Diamond Skin and Dad has Dermal Armor. We're twins, I'm about an hour older than him and our parents separated and remarried before our quirks even came in.

mistakes were made: Oh my god.

daddy issues: I'm adding that to my conspiracy board and nobody will stop me or they will get pinned to the conspiracy board.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka @everythingisstardust @paint-in-flames @t4t-ummiurk

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH7

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 7: Resurrection Overture (VII)

You couldn't see the difference between day and night in the Village of Dusk. Qi Leren walked in the street and walked towards Dr. Lu's clinic.

After the task in the Holy City, Dr. Lu should have survived—he was still unconscious after being detoxed from ingesting the Nightmare Witch’s poison-medicine, so he was sent back to the Lord’s castle by Qi Leren, perfectly avoiding the chaos in the late hours of the night and once again winning the dangerous task. Qi Leren was convinced that his luck level was off the charts. He couldn't even envy him.

When he came to the door of Dr. Lu's clinic, Qi Leren was vaguely excited. He didn't know how Dr. Lu would react when he saw that he was still alive.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door, and there came Dr. Lu’s faint voice: "I’m going to the grave today, you can’t see the doctor."

Qi Leren kept quiet and knocked on the door.

After knocking for a while, Dr. Lu on the other side became angry and opened the door to denounce the guest who was harassing the doctor. He suddenly saw the smiling Qi Leren standing outside the door looking at him. His face went white with a scream: "Ghost!!!!”

Seeing that the door was about to be thrown closed, Qi Leren flashed sideways into the house and angrily grabbed Dr. Lu, who was about to run. "What happened to your face? Who hit you?"

Dr. Lu, who was black and blue, covered his face and refused to let him see it. Qi Leren pulled him up like a carrot and angrily demanded, "Look, I'm still alive! Come on, who bullied you?!”

Because Dr. Lu looked young, Qi Leren never regarded him as his senior. He usually took special care of him when doing tasks together. Now, he had been bullied like this in the few days that he couldn’t see him, which made him angry.

Dr. Lu completely ignored the second half of his sentence, stared at him for a moment, and then rushed to touch his neck.

It was warm and had a pulse. Dr. Lu cried with a "wow", hugging Qi Leren to death with a strength that he didn’t know he had. Qi Leren was scared by him and wanted to throw him off, but when he heard him cry he became heartbroken and softened, standing patiently as he waited for him to calm down.

When Dr. Lu finished crying, Qi Leren's shirt was soaked, and he wondered where he’d gotten so many tears.

"I saw your body with my own eyes," Dr. Lu said with a stuffed up voice, his nose and eyes still red.

On the contrary, Qi Leren poured water on him like a master: "I was dead, but I had a resurrection item that allowed me to come back after seven days. I didn't say anything about this, and I made a mess."

Dr. Lu complained bitterly: "Do you know how long I cried?! I cry when I think of it. I'm so sad. I also wanted to clean up your things for you, but there was no key to your house and the door couldn't be opened. I had to cry and go home, I was so ashamed."

Although he has known Qi Leren for a short time, it was a friendship established in a dangerous and terrifying world. Seeing his best friend die, Dr. Lu, who was already full of feelings, was very sad. After the completion of the task in the Holy City, he had followed Ning Zhou to evacuate the residents, and the Holy See’s staff took the living residents away from their hometown. He and Ning Zhou had returned to the Village of Dusk. Ning Zhou was in a bad state along the way. Dr. Lu didn’t dare to cry. When he got home, he had seen the training menu Qi Leren had before, and then got into bed and cried for a long time.

He didn't really feel the deaths he had experienced before. He only felt as if he was playing a game that was too realistic. It wasn't until he saw Qi Leren no longer breathing as he was buried in the tree tomb that Dr. Lu had realized the cruelty of the world.

"Well, don't be sad. You haven't said what happened to your face?" Qi Leren looked at Dr. Lu's face carefully. Dr. Lu's forehead was swollen and covered with an ointment, and his mouth and chin were cracked. It looked miserable.

"I... I fell..." Dr. Lu whispered.

Where would Qi Leren believe this: "You fell all over your face?"

"Really." Dr. Lu showed him his sleeves and bruises on his elbows. "I was born with an uncoordinated cerebellum, poor balance, easy to fall when running, and failed in all sports."

Qi Leren remembered that Dr. Lu mentioned it to him before. At that time, he didn't care. He thought it was an excuse to be lazy.

"Can this be cured?" Qi Leren asked seriously.

"Ah, I’ve been treated? I can just use [Doctor’s Orders], it doesn't hurt anymore, that is, the bruises haven’t returned," Dr. Lu said after a pause.

Qi Leren was distressed yet amused: "I mean, can you cure your coordination problem?"

"No, but more exercise will still improve it some... I’ve also been exercising recently, that is, the training regimen you gave me before... I just always fall, but now I’ve thought of a solution of wearing more clothes when I go running, so when I fall it doesn’t hurt. It's just too tiring, I’ve never been so active in my life," Dr. Lu complained, and secretly glanced at Qi Leren. "Anyway, I’ll work hard and won't hold you back. Oh, my [Doctor’s Orders] have also been upgraded. Now the treatment effect is better. I’ll still milk you in the future. Tanks like you who die particularly easily need a reliable healer like me."

Knowing the cause and effect, Qi Leren was really angry and amused, and lastly he was a little touched. For a long time, he had positioned Dr. Lu's role as a healer who could find 100% of the task items and counterbalance his own luck value, so he didn't expect him to help in battle. Now it seemed that his death had had such a big impact on Dr. Lu. In fact, Dr. Lu had grown a lot more than before.

The two chatted for a long time, and Dr. Lu also carefully told Qi Leren what happened after his death, especially about Ning Zhou. Dr. Lu was very happy to learn that Ning Zhou could come back in a month at most. He accepted the fact that his best friend was gay and he was eager to teach him prostate massage skills that could make even straight men fly up. After being shot down by Qi Leren, Dr. Lu gave him a look of "peerless martial arts will be lost".

Qi Leren was hungry, too. He pilfered the delicious cupcakes Dr. Lu hoarded and ate his meal under Dr. Lu's resentful gaze.

"Those are my favorite ones... I waited in line for three hours to buy them." Dr. Lu wanted to cry.

"I just died and you were in the mood to line up to buy cupcakes, confiscated!" Qi Leren ate two of them and thought they tasted really good. No wonder they were so popular.

Dr. Lu looked at the cakes with a flat mouth amid his grief: "I was going to take them to your grave to offer them to you."

"Oh, I'll take them." Qi Leren smiled and smashed half a cupcake, stuffing it into Dr. Lu's mouth. "Well, you eat it too. It tastes really good."

Dr. Lu, who is good at buying, said happily, "As long as you don't die, I’ll buy it for you every day."

"Bah, don’t say something so unlucky! I don't want to die again," Qi Leren said.

"But you always die when you use S/L Data," Dr. Lu poked a knife in his sore spot.

“……”

The two men hurt each other for a while, and Qi Leren became tired. Because Dr. Lu had no extra bed at home, he ruthlessly robbed Dr. Lu of his bed. Heedless of the fact that Dr. Lu, who had been robbed of the bed, was whining off to the side, he fell asleep rolled up in the blanket.

He had another nightmare.

In his dream, he returned to the church at the top of the old site of the Vatican and stopped in front of the huge stone door.

He held out his hand to push the door open, and his remaining reason screamed at the top of its lungs telling him to stop, but in his dream he was ignorant and fearless and bravely pushed open the door.

The deceiver is watching him with a charming smile.

Blinded by shock at that moment, Qi Leren had no time to take in the smile on Su He's face. He actually laughed with no malice, only a hint of ponder and ridicule, just like a human watching crickets fighting to the death in a jar, watching quietly, wondering which one would win.

Once upon a time, Qi Leren didn't quite understand why Su He always had a calm and casual attitude, as was the case when he first met him. While he and Dr. Lu were extremely nervous, Su He remained composed. Because for him, this was just a cricket game. How could a chess player who could overturn the chessboard at any time be afraid because of the thrills on the chessboard?

Qi Leren dreamed of his death again.

His throat’s trachea was cut, and the pain of suffocation and the weakness from blood loss brought back to him with the dream. He crawled desperately on the cold ground, every inch of distance exhausting him, and his will constantly collapsed as he was tortured by death. He couldn't persist and gave up...

"Qi Leren, Qi Leren wake up!"

Qi Leren suddenly sat up, short of breath and in a cold sweat. Dr. Lu sat by the bed and looked at him anxiously: "You asked me to wake you up at this time... You seemed to be having a nightmare."

"...I'm fine." Qi Leren wiped the cold sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand. "Is there any water?"

Dr. Lu poured him a glass of water.

Qi Leren gulped, slow to come over from the nightmare. This dream reminded him that Su He might already know about his resurrection, and he might make another action. He had to be careful that Du Yue wouldn’t leak the Nightmare Game. At the end of the day, this was actually his fault. If he was making the arrangements now, his first choice would be to ask Chen Baiqi that if anything happened to him, she should give his letter to the Courthouse’s Prophet.

It was a pity that when he wrote the letter, it was during the time when he accepted the role of "Red". At that time, he and Chen Baiqi weren’t very familiar with each other, and he didn't like the Court, and he didn't even know about the Prophet. Naturally, he couldn't be as thoughtful as he was now.

He could only mend things by getting a contract from Chen Baiqi for Du Yue to sign, swearing that he would keep this secret.

His appointed time with Chen Baiqi was coming. Qi Leren got up, put himself together, and walked towards Chen Baiqi's home.

-----

Editor’s Notes: I love Dr. Lu so much 😭😭😭 He’s like an awkward parent who texts you about a cute cashier that he thinks is gay after you come out to him because he’s trying too hard to show that he’s supportive

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

[abalonetea]

Just Keep Breathing: Chapter Three

I was partnered with @the-dot for the @originalfictionbigbang​! Thank you for working with me, Dot!

Here is the first chapter! I’ve split the first 10k words between four chapters, and will be posting them all in a masterpost in just a moment!

Summary: It’s the height of storm season and everyone in Hi-Banks, Florida is getting ready for the bad weather. It should be a year like any other - but on the tails of a national pandemic, a new disaster strikes. More than one new disasters. So many disasters that Eddie Carver would like to put some of them back, thanks. He’s just a down on his luck guy living in the local trailer park with his boyfriend. He’s not interested in dealing with the revival of an old murder case - which he knows nothing about, thanks -, the storm season of the century, or…zombies?

Yeah. Absolutely not interested in the zombies.

This black-comedy follows the inner workings of a small town as they band together to survive, and the young man - reckless, mean, angry, written off b the big city folk come to look into a cold case - that might hold all of societies survival in his hands.

Forget about society.Eddie’s only interested in keeping his friends alive.

Chapter Three – The Troubles Begin

“ - the riot appears to have originated inside of an office building in Toledo, where the CEO of Marino Corps was evidently thrown from the top floor window. The cause of the riot is unknown, but it has grown both in number and in scale of violence. The hospitals in the area are overflowing with victims, many of whom are suffering from bite wounds - “

Click.

“ - and if the tropical storm continues on this path, it will run directly in front of Hurricane Beth. The resulting storm will make land fall with Florida - “

Click.

“ - is the streak of violence we’re currently seeing in large cities a result of drugs, a side affect of the vaccine, or something else entirely? Today on The Sooty Orange we’re going to discuss - “

Click.

Carson groans. “Everything sucks. Just hit the radio.”

Eddie stretches over and clicks on the radio instead, oldies crooning into the quiet trailer park. “Man, why is it so hard to just find something fun to watch, huh? What happened to playing movies and stuff?”

“Dunno. It’s a real drag first thing in the morning, though,” says Carson. They’ve got a spread of coffee in mismatched cracked mugs on the little table in front of them, along with a few microwaved breakfast burritos and an open bag of sweet chili pepper flavored chips. “You work today?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to hit up the garage this evening.”

“Ugh. So we still aren’t going to get the truck up?”

“Part might be in today. I’ll check on it,” says Eddie.

They aren’t talking about the news and they aren’t talking about the agents, and that’s just facts. They didn’t need to speak about it. They just both sort of came to that conclusion. No point in discussing something that can’t be changed, and Eddie won’t say a word on the Mulborne case, not even to Carson.

They eat and change and head off on their own separate ways, passing Bonnie Barker and her dog Poncho on the way out of the trailer park. She waves at them and the dog goes nuts barking. It’s cloudy and gross out, and Eddie has a really bad feeling that it’s just going to be a bad damn day.

* * *

The little black car is parked outside of the mechanic shop, and the moment that Eddie gets close to it none other than Agent Russo steps out. He’s got this awful slicked back hair and a stupidly expensive looking suit. The other agent isn’t there.

“Ugh. You again?” Eddie squints at him and sucks on his front teeth. “I told you, man, I don’t know anything about the Mulborne case.”

“Something tells me that’s not the truth. I’ve looked into you, Eddie Burke. In and out of trouble for years. You’ve got a record a mile long, and you were the last recorded person seen speaking to those missing tourists,” says Russo. “I think that the two of us need to have a little talk.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t.” Eddie makes to walk in past him but the agent grabs him by the elbow, wrenching him to the side. “Hey! Get the Hell off of me, man!”

“I don’t know how you people do it out here, but let me tell you this,” says Russo. “When I say we need to have a talk, it’s not something that’s up for debate.”

A sharp whistle splits through the air. “Alright, boys. That’s enough. You want to talk to him, you get here with a warrant or you do it off my property,” says Penny. “That’s how it works around here, boy. And you, Eddie, you get to work. I got a car that needs the tires changed out, pronto.”

Eddie jerks his arm out of Russo’s grip, flips him off, and scurries into the garage. There’s not actually a car needing the tires changed so he mostly just loiters around until Penny comes inside, shaking her head.

“This is a whole lot of bad business that we don’t need to be dealing with right now,” says Penny, clucking her tongue. “I don’t like that man poking around none. You think someone needs to go out and give Benny a heads up?”

Eddie hops up onto one of the counters. “No way. Benny’s on his own.”

Penny purses her lips. “Neighborly.”

“Hey, I ain’t neighbors with him,” says Eddie. “You want to hike all the way out there for this, you be my guest. I’ve got enough that I’m dealing with. You been keeping track of this storm?”

“Yeah,” says Penny. “We’ll have to close up shop if it gets too much closer.”

“Red’s still planning on going out to his cabin. That dumbass.”

“Really? I don’t think I’d want to go out in this kind of weather.”

“You’re telling me,” mutters Eddie. “Hey, do you actually have work for me today?”

Penny gives him another pinched smile. “Yep. You’re gonna work on my boat motor. Put those skinny fingers of yours to good use for a change.”

Eddie groans. He hates working on boats but – cash is cash, he supposes.

* * *

Eddie swings by the gas station on the way home from work to buy a six pack. TJ’s working and Rat’s hanging off him out at the front counter, the door to the beak room blocked open with a tire iron and the grainy box screen style TV showing off the national news; the riots are spreading across the country, hitting every major city. There’s talk of it possibly being related to the vaccine or even a new street drug that’s being passed around, something similar to a hyped up bath salt.

“That’s stupid,” says Rat. “I’ve done those before, and no one out in some big city pent house is going to snort bath salts.”

“Coke,” says TJ.

Rat squints at him. “Coke doesn’t make you bite people.”

“Nah,” says TJ. He lights a cigarette. “But that’s what they do, you know. At those fancy parts. Snort coke.”

“Gimme one of those.” Eddie wiggles his fingers at the pack.

Rat pipes in, “oh, if he’s having one, I want one too!”

TJ grouses and grumbles but passes them each a smoke. “You owe me for that.”

Rat sticks out his tongue. “Join the club. I owe everyone.”

“Man, after the day I had, I deserve one of these. You all seen those feds running around?” Eddie asks. “Can you believe they’re out here about Benny?”

Rat perks up. He’s actually pretty good friends with Benny, even despite everything that’s happened. “What, really?”

The bell above the door chimes and they glance over almost as a group, only for Smith to come walking in. She heads for the back of the store, grabbing a few things from the little center rack where all the pre packaged and over priced sandwiches only tourists buy are at.

And sure, maybe the smart thing to do would be to just shut up, and stay quiet, and let the whole thing blow over, but Eddie’s never been particularly smart. He’s sharp and mean and good with his fists, and he scuttles across the gas station, still clutching his bummed cigarette, just so he can get right up in Smith’s face and tell her, “you need to make that little attack dog of yours back the Hell off. I didn’t do shit, you hear me?”

Smith, clutching a plastic wrapped chunk of carrot cake pulls back. “Excuse me?”

“I said that you need to back off. I don’t care who the Hell you people are. If that asshole shows up at my work again, I’m gonna clock him,” says Eddie, all teeth, and from the other side of the gas station Rat crows with laughter.

“Shit! Did you have the feds sicced on you?” Rat jams his cigarette out against the top of the counter. “That’s a trip!”

“I – have no idea what you’re talking about,” says Smith.

“Yeah, I totally believe that.” Eddie takes a step back, takes a drag off his cigarette. “You people come tearing in here and start shit, but you know what? No one around here is gonna put up with that. We got enough troubles happening. We don’t need you dragging up old ghosts that are already put in the ground.”

“What? No, that’s not – we already discussed that,” says Smith, shaking her head. “I didn’t realize that he was going to try and follow up on a dead lead. I’m very sorry. If there was an issue with your work place because of this, I can – I’ll happily speak with them tomorrow.”

The apology is so out of the blue that it takes Eddie off guard. He freezes, glances over at the counter. TJ shrugs his shoulders.

Smith continues, “we’re not looking to cause issues for anyone. We’re just doing our job, same as anyone else. I’ll speak with Russo. It won’t happen again.”

She steps around Eddie, all neat as can be, pays for her wares, and leaves. Just like that. As if it’s all nothing.

In the wake of it, Eddie sidles back up to the counter and puts out his cigarette in the little fish shaped ash tray. “I’m outta here. Just ring me up for the beer.”

TJ does, the chime of the register, and says, “I don’t know. I think I would’ve spilled the beans already.”

“You say anything to those agents, I’ll break your face,” warns Eddie, the words a sort of harshness that only comes from fear. “You got that?”

Rat cheerfully chimes in, “I’ll totally help.”

[5typesoftrash]

May 2nd

I literally started this fic at 23:20. I shit you not. I wrote this entire thing in 40 minutes. So it’s probably garbage. But I had an idea and I had to go with it, so here I am, posting Sam’s birthday fic at exactly midnight on May 2nd, 2020.

I hope it doesn’t suck.

****

May 2nd, 1983.

A woman screams in a hospital bed. She is pretty and blonde and in incredible pain, and after twelve agonizing hours, no longer pregnant. A tiny baby boy is brought into the world, and his name is Sam Winchester.

Welcome to Earth, Sam Winchester! You are destined for pain.

~~

May 2nd, 1984.

Sam Winchester turns one year old. His big brother Dean is 5. They are home alone. There is no cake and no candles, but Dean does sing his way through a mangled rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’, because everyone deserves to be sung to on their birthday.

Sam cries almost the entire day. He wants his mommy.

~~

May 2nd, 1985.

Sam is 2 today. He smiles real big at Dean when he approaches with mashed-up baby carrots. He gets them all over his cheeks and lips and hair and bib, and he bangs his spoon on his high chair, giggling like a maniac and holding onto one of Dean’s fingers for dear life. Five weeks ago he said his first word; it was “De!”

He doesn’t let Dean get more than three feet away from him.

~~

May 2nd, 1986.

Sam turns three. Their dad is there for once, and he forgets about Sam’s birthday completely. He goes out and gets drunk instead. He comes home after Dean has fallen asleep with Sam in his arms. He eats a cupcake on his own in the dark.

Sam is just learning what misery means.

~~

May 2nd, 1990.

Sam is seven. For his seventh birthday, his dad gives him a gun and his big brother teaches him how to use it. He goes out back and shoots at their dad’s empty beer cans. Sam tries to ignore the slight pang of… something in his chest when a new one appears every fifteen minutes. He knows John is inside, drinking himself into a stupor in front of the television.

He hates his life, and everything about it.

~~

May 2nd, 2001.

Sam turns eighteen today. In two months he’s going off to Stanford. If all goes well, he’ll never see his dad again. If not… he’ll never see his brother again. It’s a pretty horrible arrangement, in all honesty, but he’s a legal adult now and he wants to do things. He wants to be free. He goes to a convenience store and buys a scratch-off lottery ticket, a pack of cigarettes he’ll never smoke, and a skin mag just because he can.

He wishes that it would fill the emptiness in his ribs, just below his heart.

~~

May 2nd, 2002.

Sam is nineteen. It’s the first time he’s gotten a real celebration for his birthday. Yeah, Dean tried when Sam was nine until he was like sixteen, but there was never a party. It was always some four-dollar cupcakes from Target with a candle in them and one person singing him a song. This year, he has a beautiful girlfriend, his best friend Brady, and at least twelve other people there, and they all seem to actually care that he was born on this day nineteen years ago.

It’s quite a novel feeling. He should feel worse about that than he does.

~~

May 2nd, 2005.

It’s his first birthday back on the road with Dean. At first he thinks he’s forgotten about it, but just as they’re going to sleep (in the Impala, because they couldn’t find a vacant motel), Dean tosses something into the backseat. Sam picks up the wrapped parcel and opens it. It’s a framed photo of them when they were six and ten. Sam remembers leaving it in Dean’s duffel the day he left. Dean really kept it all these years?

“Happy 22nd, Sammy,” Dean mumbles before turning over to go to sleep. Sam lies awake for hours after.

~~

May 2nd, 2012.

He doesn’t feel 29. Everything that’s happened and some days he still feels as though he’s barely twenty, wide-eyed and shiny and figuring out how the adult world works without his big brother there to guide him through everything. Except his big brother is there. And he’ll be there, at least for the next five months. In five months, he’ll get blown up by a very special bomb. In five months, he’ll go to Purgatory. Sam will think he’s dead. Sam will try to move on.

Sam won’t move on. Sam’s long since learned that he doesn’t move on.

~~

May 2nd, 2020.

Sam Winchester is 37. He’s died more than once, his brother has died more than a hundred times, he’s met literal god, plus himself from other dimensions… and he feels fifty. It’s amazing, the way that in 8 years he went from feeling so much younger than he is to feeling so much older. But here he is, gearing up for one last fight, knowing – or maybe hoping, he’s not quite sure – that he won’t make it out alive.

But he’s going into the fight anyway. Because he may be destined for pain, but he can be destined for greatness, too.

Dean bakes him a pie.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #361

“the world is a vampire, sent to drain”

Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot? A phase? Hunny, they're still hot lmao. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument? Yeah. Juan could play guitar, and Girt played I think the tuba in band. What’s so horrible about wearing leggings like pants? I've actually never understood why people freak about this. Like so long as they're not sheer and fit you fine, why exactly is this a problem...? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself? Oh dear. When someone claims to be suicidal, do you take them seriously? FUCK you if you don't. Honest to god, fuck you. This is NOT something you just don't even blink at. Even if it's surprising to hear from that person, you take that shit seriously and try to talk to them about it. Ever been kicked out of anywhere? Colleen's house. Ever had Skittles vodka? No, but that shit sounds good. Ever punched someone in the face? No. If you haven’t, do you want to now? Uh, I'll pass. Do you truly HATE anyone? No one I know personally, but people like rapists, pedophiles, etc., I sure as hell do hate them. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country? No clue. Favorite flavor for most things? Strawberry, watermelon, or blue raspberry, depending on what the thing is. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with? Yeah: Summer, Jason, and I'm pretty sure Sara and I did? What is the closest book to you? It's a full collection of Poe's poetry that Mom got me. Are you reading it or someone else? I'm not right now. I may eventually. Milkshakes or Sundaes? Hm, I gotta go with milkshakes. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? I'm not a fan of either, but I'd definitely pick watermelons over cherries. Who was the last person you ate with? My family and I went to Ichiban (a Japanese steakhouse that we have here where they cook directly in front of you) yesterday to celebrate Nicole's graduation. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. I hate asparagus. Do you have any bug bites? No. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Loosely, anyway. It's a family I took pictures for, and I still have the mother on Facebook. When you were little, did you ever go to feed the ducks? Yes, I LOVED doing that. Don't feed ducks bread, by the way. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? No. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah. I don't THINK it was too hard. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? No, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. Which was the worst phase in your life? 2016 was. Towards the end of '15 was the breakup, and through aaaaaaall of 2016, I was just dead inside and totally useless. Every day I wanted to be dead. Can you remember your last dream? I had a nightmare some stupid kids were fucking with my snake Venus, so I was trying to protect her. Do you ever use Snapchat? No, I don't have one. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. What happened at the last party you went to? Summer prepared some little Halloween treat bags for us guests, we watched a horror movie, and everyone but me smoked some weed. Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? I would assume everyone is more comfortable lying down... Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yeah, as a kiddo. Favorite kind of cake: Red velvet, yum yum. What is your middle name? Marie. TV shows and anime you watch regularly: None. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Just a big family of pets with a spouse. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Oh boy, I couldn't tell ya. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? YAY!! I've had many, but I don't think I'll get any more. I've just had bad luck with them, save for one that died of cancer at an old age. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yeah. I haven't really written any big RP posts of the late, but I did recently write a poem. Are needles something that you’re afraid of? Okay, so this is super weird. Tattoos and piercings? No problem. Little prick, getting blood drawn, that sorta little stuff, no problem. I am, however, NOT a fan of big needles, which used to not be an issue. It's actually kinda recent, and it's why I'm nervous about my second Covid shot coming up, aha... What was the last unexpected hug you gave/received? I really haven't had an unexpected hug since Jason asked for one before he left my house after our final talk. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been in a parade before? If so, was it on TV? No. Do you have a fear of rollercoasters? If so, were you ever forced to go on one? If you don’t, what is your favorite rollercoaster? I have a big fear of them, yeah. Post a picture of you from a recent time. Don't feel like it. Who was the last person to give you some of their food? Miss Tobey let me try one of her dumplings yesterday when we were at Ichiban for dinner. The last person you met, what was your first impression of them? I actually didn't quite like her. Have you ever been to a football game? Yeah, because my sister was a cheerleader. Do you like the snow or rain better? Snowwww. Have you ever faked sick? Yeah. What is your blood-type? A-. Have you ever eaten a bug? Not knowingly. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Salsa. Mom got these veggie chips at the store and they apparently taste better with salsa, which it did. They weren't great, though. Are you listening to anything at the moment? It's Gab Smolders' turn for me to watch her Resident Evil 8 upload, haha. I'm literally watching three different people (Mark, John Wolfe, and her) play it. Can you take a bra off with one hand? I haven't tried, I think? I doubt I could, given that I'm not exactly small. Do you have an innie or an outie bellybutton? Innie. Can you crack your neck? NOOOOO AND DO NOT DO IT AROUND ME YOURSELF. Are you donating your organs? Yeah; what am I gonna use 'em for? It just seems like a waste otherwise. They're just gonna decay. When was the last time you talked to you mom? Before she left with Tobey to go to the store. Do you like pumpkin pie? NO. I don't like pie, and I hate pumpkin. Do you own your own computer? Yeah. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yeah; growing up, my little sister and I did. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy? I REALLY want a PS4. Did you ever have a night light when you were a kid? Yeah. What TV show had you hooked from the very first episode? Meerkat Manor, 100%. I had to know that Shakespeare was okay. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange or red, can't pick. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? YES! I love that movie. What is the weirdest chant you have ever heard? Uh, idk. How are you feeling? Annoyed and hurt as fuck because shit Miss Tobey says without thinking for a single goddamn second. I'm honestly beyond sick of this woman. Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I don't think so. Doughy or saucy pizza? Doughy. Do you have anything that’s limited edition? Yeah. Do you have an air freshener in your bathroom? If so, what scent? I... think we do? If so though, I just don't notice it. The bathroom doesn't smell like anything in particular. Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? Oh man, I forgot about those! Love 'em. Are you a fan of salads? Yeah, they're fine. I have to be in the mood for one, though. What’s one random thing that you don’t like? Uhhh carrots. What’s one random thing that you like? Shrimp. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NOPE. I'm the absolute worst with it. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I really wanna see Sara, so take me to Illinois. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her birthday the day before mine. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Not anymore, honestly. After Jason, I stopped that "I can't live without you" mindset. Truth is I'm going to lose people through life, and I'm not attaching my ability to happily exist to anyone. Are you wearing a ring? Two. Have your friends ever stopped by your house just to say hi? In the past, yeah. Do you like Chinese food? Not really. I only ever get pork fried rice and eggrolls from Chinese restaurants. Have you done any shopping for something in specific recently? No. Do you still live in your hometown? No. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I don't recall, honestly. I haven't done that in a very long time. Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? A very strange light, yes. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yes to both. Seeing Mom drunk is very, very rare though. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, so I saw him drunk plenty. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason. What restaurant has the best fries? Nowhere has anything on Bojangle's, y'all. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No.

[melyaliz]

The Yellow Umbrella pt.5

Masterlist 

Fandom: Marvel 

Summary: Eating cookies and whip cream -NOT- off each other 

Pairing: Demon Lord! Loki x Reader

Notes: I’ve been struggling with this story. Like I have the outline and everything but… I feel just a little lost with where I am going. So I may take a small break. Idk.  I think it’s more I want it to be funnier but I don’t think it is. Then again I’m reading it over several times. 

Or it’s just me 

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

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------------------------------------

Loki sat up looking around the bedroom, curled up in a soft blanket and cuddled up with a stuffed pig. His new friend. His pig was getting more action with him than his secretaries at the moment. He had been here more in the past few days than his own bedroom really. 

Maybe he was acquiring a taste for cotton over silk. 

Getting up he noticed the fluffy pink robe laying on the floor. Picking it up he gracefully wrapped it over his body. Sadly there were no slippers. It did, much to his delight, have a hood with bunny ears.

“Well don’t you look adorable” the lady of cotton said looking up as Loki walked into the living room. She was scrolling on her phone as the tv played. A plate of cookies and can of whipped cream on the table in front of her. Loki just nodded, pulling the hood over making the bunny ears flop in front of his face. 

“I felt like I needed some sugar this morning,” she said, noticing him looking at her place of sugar. “If you want some you will have to risk Mr Mewoly”

“For those cookies, I will take the risk.” Loki’s pink ears bounced as he made his way to the kitchen. A pot of coffee sat on the counter as well. Opening the cabinet where he remembered seeing Yue pull out a mug he was greeted by a line of cream cups all etched with dark lettering  “Coffee, Hot chocolate, Tea” as well as some bowls that said soup pasta, and cereal. 

Pulling out an appropriate Coffee mug and helping himself to come coffee before risking his life grabbing a few cookies from the demonic cat’s body. Was it just him or did it’s eyes look even eviler than he remembered? Maybe he should get one of those, to guard his office when he isn't around. 

“I like your informinate dishware” Loki said, flopping onto the couch next to Yue who smiled at him. 

“It’s so I don’t forget.” she said as Loki grabbed her feet draping them over his lap before,“By the way, these cookies are amazing. Totally worth the risk.”

Loki nodded as he added a healthy amount of whip cream to his cookie before taking a bite, “Jeff, my assistant, got them for me.” 

“Oh fancy you have an assistant.”

“That I do.” Loki said, taking another bite of his cookie. His free hand gently stroked her ankle as he studied the TV. The two twins were battling some crazy puppets or something. He wasn’t totally paying attention, still waking up.  

“So your assistant’s name is Jeff huh. Do you also have a name?” Yue asked. Loki paused licking sweet cream from his lips as she flashed him a cheeky grin, “See what I did there, smooth.” 

He couldn’t help but chuckle, She was as cute as her choice of robes and dishware, “Very” taking the last bite of his cookie he savored the taste for a moment before speaking again,  “Loki… and you?”

“Loki?” she let out a light laugh “what are you some norweedic god or something? Did you parents hate you? Like Thor I could see but… Loki? Wasn’t he like… the bad guy”

“Not bad necessarily… more like... smarter than everyone else.” 

“Still, Loki? Why not just say Hades, at least that bitch was loyal.”   

“Laugh it up, what’s your name?” 

“Yue”

He tried, but really he didn’t have much to say to that, “it fits you.” he said nodding. It did. It fit her like everything else in this apartment. It was just so… her. 

“So…” she said settling back into her couch of comfort, “Please don’t take this the wrong way but, I like this…. thing we have going.”

“Speaking of loyalty.” Loki said, raising an eyebrow, “I don’t really do relationships… I mean this has been fun, don’t get me wrong but, I’m not about to feed you some pomegranate seeds or whatever.”

“No, that’s what I mean. I like THIS” she motioned between the two of them, “No strings attached. Feeling like we don’t own anything to the other person.” 

“Well in that case I’m all for this thing we have.” 

“So you’ll keep stopping by?”

“I’m only a text away.” 

Nodding Yue pulled out her phone handing it to him, “I’m here for texting. I like to do things with my friends.” 

“Never want to get in the middle of that.” Loki said taking the phone entering his number, “I can always meet after if you're down.” 

“Deal” 

Her hand was still out so Loki took it and shook. Making it officially official. His slender fingers wrapping around her own. 

It felt like the beginning of something. But the fact was it kind of was.

The beginning of nothing. 

-----

“So you guys basically shook on being hook up buddies?” Sammie asked as she took a cookie from the plate that was on the table. 

“I think it’s cute” Riley said, “did you get him some snacks or are we special?”

“Well he actually got us those cookies,” Yue nodded down the now demolished plate of cookies. She had brought over to Sammie’s apartment for movie time, she would say night but it was more early evening. They were watching clueless with a bowl of carrots. And cookies because Yue refused to spend the whole night eating only healthy food even if it was for the memes. 

“He’s hot AND he gets your amazing sweets!?!” Riley moaned, “Are we sure this guy isn’t fake?” 

“Like what?” Sammie shickred, “Is he a cardboard cutout?” 

“Yes, he’s just got a cutout of Brendon Urie and I have been carrying him around pretending it’s my side piece.”

“I like how this cardboard cutout isn’t even your boyfriend. He’s a side piece which means you can sleep with other cardboard cutouts.” Sammie picked at the hole in her sock that had been slowly growing since the movie started. 

“I have Paul Rudd bringing me cake for lunch and Frank Sinatra delivering pizza for dinner.” 

“Living the dream” Riley chuckled, “Oh I have an idea! After this movie  let’s find you something to help him eat your cookie” holding up the image of a local sex shop on her google maps. “They close late like a good sex shop too.” 

“Really Riley?” Sammie said looking up at the shop skeptically. “We have like 6 other movies planned.” 

“We could always watch them after. Go on a quick adventure.” 

“Adventure!” Yue giggled, “Come on Sammie maybe we can find you something tasteful for your presentation on Monday.” 

“Yes I’m sure the Magic Cherry will have JUST what I need to help me pitch my website design on Monday.”  

“Something Leather maybe? I’m sure the party planning company will be super into it.” 

“Yue’s right, after all they ARE all about partying.” 

Sammie fought back a smile as she tossed Yue a hoodie. “Let’s just get there before they close. I don’t want to be those jerks who are there when the workers want to leave.” 

Yue nodded following her friends out bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. Feeling giddy with excitement. “This is the craziest thing I have ever done.” 

------------------------

“It was the craziest thing I have ever done” 

“That’s where you have been? Doing the craziest thing ever?” Jeff asked as he came up behind Loki holding his black umbrella. Loki surveyed the dark road as they both slowly walked under the large red bridge. 

“Yep we watched this show called Gravity Falls.” 

“What?” 

“It’s a popular children’s cartoon.” 

“A children’s show?” 

“We ate cookies with whip cream.” 

“Off each other?” 

“Out of bowls,” Loki pulled out a pair of white rubber gloves from his pocket, putting them on. 

“Oh, did you… was she young?” 

“For human standards no, you know I don’t mess with anyone who is not within reason.” 

“Cookies for breakfast is the craziest thing you have ever done? Really?” Jeff sighed, closing the umbrella shaking it. Most of the rain had slowed at this point and from where they were standing it wasn’t really doing much good anyway. 

Loki chuckled slowly crouching down. Holding out his hand he waited for Jeff to hand him his cane. Which he did. “I wore a fluffy pink robe with bunny ears.”

“I guess it’s important to have new experiences.” his assistant sniffed looking around tugging his coat closer to himself. 

Loki nodded using the sharp end of his cane to poke at something. 

A dead body. Half its face already decaying in the muddy ground, eyes missing. Around it several others. All their eyes missing bits of their body decaying.

“You sent these vampires out only two days ago.” Jeff, “You think it’s the faceless?” 

“No” Loki sighed standing up, “This is something else. Something worse.” 

“What should I tell the others?” 

“Stay in packs and if anyone knows anything to come to me right away.” Loki turned surveying the site that lay before them. He had sent for the vampires from Seattle to go down to LA to check on Brandon after the LA demon hadn’t shown up for their meeting. While not unusual it hadn’t sat right with Loki. 

Now with almost ten vampires laying here dead and the rest missing he was starting to worry. If someone had overthrown Brandon they would normally approach Loki. New terf lords would want to make a truce with the most powerful Demon Lord on this continent. 

No news, in this case, meant nothing good. 

-------------

“They have butt plugs that have tails,” Riley said holding a pretty pink and glitter one, “And a unicorn horn, I could fulfill all my little kid dreams and become a unicorn.” 

“Please don't refer to yourself as a little girl in here” Sammie frowned, “It’s weird.”

“Ok, sorry sorry.” Riley said looking over the other items on the wall. “I have been wanting to try these,” she said, pulling a pair of nipple clamps. Sammie, already feeling VERY out of place just looked down at her phone nodding.

“Get whatever you want, I just don’t want to picture you and Sam… doing stuff.” 

“Ok fine,” Riley said, grabbing ones she thought she would like before walking over to Yue who was looking over a rack of panties.

“Find anything fun?” 

“Yeah a few things, What do you think?” she asked, holding up a lacy lingerie. A pretty green color.  

“Love the color” Riley nodded before grabbing a pair of fluffy black cuffs, “Get these too,” 

“Ok but I want the pink ones,” Yue giggled thinking about the morning where Loki had dressed up in her bunny robe. He looked good in it. Under all that eyeliner and studds he was just a big dork. She found it hilarious and would do everything to keep messing with that side for her own amusement. 

“So are you guys meeting up tonight?” Sammie asked, coming up nodding toward the set Yue was holding approving. 

“No he hasn’t texted me.” 

“So what about late dinner? Gary was saying we should go out to this speakeasy place.”

“Oh let me text Sam,” Riley said, “He’s been wanting to go there. Yue you can just find your Paul Rudd while we are out.”

“Or just enjoy the company I’m with.” Yue snickered, “I don’t have to spend every night hooking up.” 

“What’s the fun in that?” The cashier chuckled as she took Yue’s things. 

“A girl needs at least one night to herself.” 

“Well you got the wrong stuff for a night by yourself.” the cashier said as she wrapped everything up, “But I do have some dildos on sale if you want some you time.” 

--------------------------

Sam had responded almost immediately that he would pick the girls up. Something about a long week and just wanting to be with his lady. So rushing back to their apartment the girls quickly changed out of their jeans and hoodies into more slutty hipster attire. (A girl’s gotta dress the occasion after all) 

Once she was more speakeasy and less “I am cuddling with my two best friends watching movies” Yue grabbed her bag and walked outside her apartment. After locking her door she turned almost running into a tall dark haired man. Dressed in a red leather jacket he was smoking a cigarette. Yue’s eyes instantly went up to the man’s bold white streak that ran across the front of his black hair. Blue eyes looking down at her amused. 

“Oh, excuse me.” 

The large man shrugged holding out his cigarette pack “Want one?” 

Yue shook her head, thrusting her keys back into her purse, “I’m good thanks.” 

He nodded putting the pack away, “You’re all dressed up, going somewhere fun?” 

“Yeah just dinner with friends.” 

“Nice, I’m visiting a friend, know any good places to go?” 

“Uh well we are going to Idain Basian but if you want something more happening, maybe like Valencia street?” 

“Oh sounds good, I’m not big on waterfronts.” 

“Well I hate to break it to you but San Francisco is basically an island.” 

This earned her another chuckle. “True, well have a good night and be careful there’s a full moon out tonight, never know what crazy you'll run into.” 

Yue nodded walking toward the gate of the complex where her friends were waiting, turning back she got one last look at the man, for a moment she could have sworn it looked like his eyes glowed. 

Maybe she was watching too many cartoons. 

Or maybe he was just a bunch of gnomes in a trench coat. 

No, she was definitely watching too many cartoons. 

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[thecosmicsen]

"when you talk about her, your eyes light up but look distant and your voice gets less annoying. it's nice. love looks good on you."

THE MISDEMEANORS OF DUMB AND DUMBER   —  — —     (  3  /  ??  )

the eager and vigorous slurping of piping hot ramen from the shared plastic tub fills up the still humming background noise of the convenience store.  it is significantly past midnight,  the store still bustling with the night crowd but nothing out of bounds is disruptive enough to interrupt the duo’s late-night snacking session.  intently hunched over in their plastic chairs and slightly rickety table,  peace sweeps in and lays on a comforting thick blanket on the two simply enjoying their newly acquired food scored from hard-earned labour.  it is the only time that Oliver makes the exception for Jaewoo to be all up within his personal space without breaking out into a berserk ruckus over Jaewoo breathing in his closed off radius.  with the way how Oliver’s fingers fly to ensure that every morsel of ramen is relished in his mouth causes Jaewoo to slow down with his own scarfing down so that Oliver can get a bigger portion than him.  he smugly achieves by recounting his profound bonding moments with the animal apparitions  (  whilst resisting the temptation to compare Oliver to one of the ruffian mutts who could only be placated with carrot cake  )  as well as talking about his favourite subject that he simply can never shut up about :   Inés.

his spirited storytelling starts off with how tiny plastic table has Jaewoo’s knees animatedly knocking against Oliver’s as a result of the momentum arising from Jaewoo’s exaggerated hand gestures during his narration.  it makes him want to burst out laughing at the instinctive snarl from Oliver that naturally integrates into a low menacing growl to fend Jaewoo off from further provoking him in his personal space especially during his precious eating time.  in response,  Jaewoo always waves him off with an impish smile that shows off all his pearly whites although he backs down purely because he wants Oliver to keep eating up and so that he can enthuse about a concept that he noticed lulls out a mollified Oliver. 

in between a languid slurp of ramen soup,  he whispers out in hushed tones to his ravenous counterpart.  “  did you know that I have to tell all the humans that I know that I met Inés as a blind date setup  ?  I have to come up with details about how our friends apparently set us up for a blind date so we met each other in this cosy but still classy enough restaurant for a place that Inés wouldn’t mind going to and we apparently hit off straight away.  do you know how I met her actually  ?  one of my clients  —  that is a word that I use for the people who summon me for a wish and we begin our professional working relationship together congratulations Oli you learnt a new word today  —  came to me crying about how a demon deceived her.  according to my client,  Inés tricked her into giving up her soul to her and she wanted it back so I had to stalk and hunt Inés down.  which wasn’t too hard to do actually.  everyone who has met or seen her has always talked about how beautiful and gorgeous she is.  she has a really distinctive style too so it really wasn’t that hard finding her.  anyway,  I landed on a garbage dumpster when I first saw her in person because I was already trying to uh  . . .   impress her I guess.  but we got into a little quibble about whether my client was accurate about the deceiving part or not so it wasn’t exactly a smooth start but it wasn’t a weird or rocky one either  ?  it was always easy being myself around her from the start.  but it actually took me a really long time to trust her and it took a lot for me to realise that . . .  she is more than the incarnation of chaos that comes with the image of a being a demon.  can you believe it  ?  ”  

with another careful sip of the noodles,  he always tends to get starry-eyed and whisked away in his own twinkling universe when he uses the opportunity to talk about the love of his life to someone very important to him.  “  you know me Oliver,  I have all these ideas about romantic love but she put her foot down,  crushed all my expectations and said this is the reality of love.  I never thought in a million years that I would fall in love with someone who is on the opposite of God’s side even though I didn’t really believe in him before I met him.  I don’t know . . .  I always knew I had these preconceived ideas about demons and Inés specifically especially because of the tidbits I got about her when I was hunting her down.  so I was really shocked to learn that she is capable of loving and then loving me in return on top of it  ?  I don’t know what I would have done if she had left me without a word because she did try but somehow I had a gut feeling that I had to . . .  tell her that it’s okay and that I just wanted her to stay in my life even if it meant pretending to have low emotional attachment.  it was agonising,  not knowing what I meant to her and whether I could lose her within a blink of an eye.  sometimes things feel too good,  so close to you that it is almost within your grasp but then it slips right through and vanishes into thin air forever.  but that’s what is funny about the whole thing,  you think love will just happen.  well,  the feelings do but working towards an actual relationship is like when you’re going up on a log jam ride and your stomach is all tensed up and waiting for the dip on the other side.  oh my god,  we need to go to a theme park together  !!  do you think you could behave yourself for a day in one  ?  we need to go on the log jam rides together Oli  !!  ” 

although he knows Oliver is going to protest about the money going into food instead,  he hurriedly presses on as he shoves a whole handful of ramen into the other’s already stuffed mouth.  “  have you ever looked at someone in the eye and had an  I’m seriously fucked  moment  ?  ”   it even surprises him with the amount of sheer shyness that abruptly overcomes him and plunging his face with a rosy coloured blush,  his words tumbling out in an uncharacteristic jumble.  “  uh . . .   t-that’s one moment I had with her when she h-held my hand for the first time after I thought she was gone.  ”  now he entirely shuts up to fight down his stuttered out flustering,  his cheeks burning up ablaze with the reminiscence.  

that’s when Oliver’s eloquent words throw him off guard with the amount of deliberate insight despite the fact that he still labelled Jaewoo as annoying.  had it been any other time,  Jaewoo would have immediately and enthusiastically confirm how annoying he can be for Oliver but since he himself has been mellowed out by the topic of Inés,  he merely stares at him in astonishment as Oliver’s words ring in an continuous echo in his ears.  

“  thank you,  ”  he offers a small but affectionate smile,  it is all what he can softly reply in return at first as the depth of Oliver’s words sink in as a delighted buzz filling up his ears now.  “  love does that to everyone . . .  the same thing will happen to you when you love someone Oli.  I know you are capable of having the same thing for yourself.  if someone as annoying as me can find someone to love them,  you will have no problem.  especially now that you mention it,  what do you think love is  ?  you’re a softie deep down inside all that crazy anger,  huh.  do you like hearing me talk about her that much  ?  you can meet her if you want to but just remember that she’s my cute girlfriend.  I wish I could say I would die for her but I’m already dead so I will say that I don’t mind getting exorcised at the expense of her happiness and safety.  ”  to himself,  he knows this is a huge testament to his love when his number one unfaltering fear of shamans and the exorcism that entails never fails to freeze him on the spot out of sheer paralysing fear. 

“  anyway,  did you know that there are lots of different types of love  ?  there is romantic love,  the type that I have with Inés and then there is platonic love between friends too.  maybe one day you will be able to understand it as something we might have together in the future.  and romantic love for yourself with someone who will support you through the good and bad.  your whole life changes when you have someone you know you can go back home to no matter what happens.  one cuddle will make everything feel all right again.  even though I could do stuff like this to make you feel better . . .  ”  on cue,  he mischievously flicks a finger at the other’s forehead before patting it better.  “  so tell me,  do you want to try looking for love  ?  I’m probably the best cupid out there  !  and I won’t let you met any random people either.  it has to be somebody who I know is PERSONALLY perfect for you.  then maybe one day,  in the future,  when we are sitting down like this at the convenient store but this time with five tubs of ramen,  I will get my chance to say love looks good on you Oliver.  ” 

[onthesandsofdreams]

Matchmaker(s) Make Me A Match

Fandom: Wonder Woman Ratings: G Pairing: Diana x Steve Words: 1016 Summary:  Steve and Diana are High School Professors and their students think they'd make a cute couple. For them it's almost fun to dodge the 'subtle' attempts their students make. One problem though: They are already dating. Notes: For the @wondertrevnet‘s Valentine’s Day Event.

Read @ AO3

Steven Trevor considers himself a patient man. Even amidst the chaos that comes with being surrounded by teenagers. As a history teacher, he has found interesting ways to make his classes interesting. Which is a necessity, teaching in one of the most elite schools in New York, surrounded by teens who are used to having it all, makes it hard. But Steve likes his job and finds it rewarding, especially when he has the attention of the full class.

It’s also hilarious that they’re trying to get him together with Diana Prince.

“You know Professor Trevor, Miss Prince has a fencing championship under her belt?” Asks Amanda William, whom Steve knows is the ringleader of these… shenanigans.

“Yeah, she mentioned it once,” Steve shrugs in a nonchalant way, and watches and Amanda near pouts, he has to turn away to hide the smirk that threatens to grow on his face. “Back to what I was saying…”

*****

Diana stood waiting for her students to finish getting ready. Today, she was going to pair them and have matches as she went around looking at their form, while offering advice on how to improve. She knew that some had a natural talent, and some were better than others, but still, she gave her attention to all of them.

“Miss Prince?”

Diana froze for a minute, she knew that voice, Sophie Bancroft. Amanda Williams and her friend had been trying to set her up with Steve Trevor, something she had shut down as best she could, but it seems that the girl was dead set in making it near impossible. If things kept this way, she might have to speak with the principal.

But before she spoke with the girl, she turned to her students, “Everybody, pair up. We’re getting ready to begin.” Then she sighed and turned. “Yes, Miss Bancroft?”

The girl in question gave her a coy look, “Did you know that Professor Trevor can sing?”

Diana arched her eyebrow. “Good for him. Now, pair up, we’re about to begin.” The girl looked ready to protest, “En-garde!” Diana watched as Sophie slumped her shoulders and went to the only person who had no pair. She resisted the urge to smile. “Allez!”

*****

It was February, so it was (in Steve’s mind) only logical that Amanda and her small crew to amp up her matchmaking efforts. Of course she would, fortunately, he’s perfected the art of misdirection.

“Professor Trevor,” Sarah Abbott ambushed him one day, a week before Valentine’s Day. “I was thinking, maybe we could do some secret valentine trade on the day off?”

Steve pretended to think about it for a moment. “Mmmh, I don’t think so,” he said as he rubbed his jaw for lack of beard. “It would be unfair for anyone who may not get something back. However, given that Valentine’s coming, I will be teaching you the origin of it as a treat.”

Steve had to bite the inside of his cheek seeing Sarah’s downtrodden face. “Sorry I asked, professor.”

“No problem miss Abbott, now sit, we have to get started.”

*****

Diana was walking towards the professor’s lounge when Katherine Baudin all but squealed at seeing her, immediately putting Diana on alert.

“Professor Prince, hello!” Katherine fell into pace with her.

“Hello miss Baudin. How may I help you?”

“Well, I was wondering if you had plans for Valentine’s day? You see, I could use some ideas?”

Diana stopped and turned to look at Katherine, who tried her best to look as innocent as possible. “None at all. I don’t celebrate Valentine’s day.” Diana could see the girl’s face fall.

“Oh.”

“Well, have a good day and good luck for your Valentine’s day ideas, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

*****

Diana and Steve sat down at a small corner table of Serendipity 3, Diana’s idea. She had been craving their chocolate black out cake, so they went. It was late and they decided to have dinner there, Diana opted for the chicken pot pay and Steve went for the Texas style chili.

“Did you know that Miss Amanda William recruited her friends to try and match us up?” Steve asked and then took a spoonful of chili and ate. It was good.

“Ah, now all those questions make sense,” Diana said as she cut her pie and took a bite. She swallowed and looked at Steve. “They’re not bothering you too much, are they?”

Steve shrugged. “No more than they’re bothering you. I can deal with them, but if they keep pushing, we might have to speak with Etta.”

Diana looked pensive as she savored her pot pie. “Well,” she said slowly. “We might have to, just to cover all our bases.” Then she smiled. “But it’s so funny that they think we need help.”

Steve chuckled at that. “True. Can you imagine how disappointed they’ll be when or if they find out we are together?”

Diana bit back a laugh, opting for another bite of her food. “They’ll be crushed.”

“Yeah, they fancy themselves matchmakers and here we are, just being together all on our own.”

“They asked me about my Valentine’s day plans, you know? Told them I didn’t celebrate.”

“Well, we don’t in the traditional sense.”

“I know, Katherine Baudin was crushed.”

“Ha! That girl has a very expressive face, no wonder you noticed her being crushed.”

“I felt bad for her, but, that is my private life after all.”

They fell into an easy silence after that, eating without any rush until they finished and then ordered desserts, for Diana, it was the chocolate black out cake, for Steve was the celestial carrot cake.

“So,” Steve said as he bit into his cake. “Same plans for Valentine as usual?”

“Take out, movie and cuddling on the couch? Absolutely. I’d love some French food for a change this time.”

“You got it, I’ll get it and you pick the movie. I’m up to watch whatever.”

Diana smiled and took Steve’s face in her hands, giving him a gentle kiss. Steve’s goofy grin was adorable. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[isnotys]

Seamless Part 3

Summary: After being Shane Dawson’s assistant for a year, things couldn’t have been going better. However, Shane had other plans. He has decided that your next move is to jump headfirst into your true passion and with some unexpected partners.

Warnings: None

Part 1

Part 2

My heart drops to the floor; I have been watching the twins’ channel for a few years now, but I never expected to run into them, much less at my boss’ house. However, no one knows that I am a fan of them, part of the Dolan Nation as some might say, so I just try to play it cool, act unbothered, as if nothing can surprise me, but being subtle has never been a skill of mine to say the least.

“Hi guys!,” Ryland screams practically in my ear and then runs to hug and kiss Shane.

“You guys are back so soon! I thought you’d take longer,” Shane says looking at me.

“We found all the gifts quickly and even got some stuff for dinner,” Morgan says while Garret helps her up. 

“Dinner! You guys should definitely stay! Y/n is making pasta,” Ryland says excitedly, he can’t read the tense atmosphere apparently. 

“I thought you were the one who was gonna cook, Ryland,” I finally speak after what seems five years of silence. 

“Yes, but that was for us only, hunty. We have guests and I definitely don’t want to poison them. Can you imagine that? Twitter would cancel me in .5 seconds,” Ryland says while still holding on to Shane, who seems to be planning his escape plan as we speak. 

“Oh, I haven't introduced you all, how crazy am I?,” Shane snorts finally accepting that there is no backing out of this dinner. “This is Garret, Morgan, you've already met Ryland and this is my assistant, y/n.” I freeze when Shane says my name and the twins look at me. They shake my freezing cold yet sweaty hand and I try to smile while barely looking at them. I have heard they are very nice, but they are so attractive I am intimidated. 

Their perfectly sculpted jawlines, beautiful eyebrows, big, strong muscles, tanned skin, and their beautiful smiles. It is impossible to not be intimidated by them, they are so tall. They're also very well-spoken and posses knowledge you can’t ever find in a library. They are both so mature for their age. I am frozen and speechless.

“It’s nice to meet you all, we watch all of your channels and we think you guys are pretty funny,” Ethan says looking at Garret, then Morgan and then at me. I am dead, and I have to keep my jaw from dropping. They watch my silly, little channel?!?!?!

“Well enough formalities! Let’s go inside, get started with dinner and catch up on some tea,” Ryland says picking up the bags and leading us inside.

“I’ll get started on dinner,” I say heading to the kitchen.

“Let us help you,” Grayson says walking behind me and Ethan following him against his will. 

“That is a great idea! I will check out what we have so far for the video and Garret, Morgan and Ryland can start setting up,” Shane says while doing a hair flip and walking toward the stairs. 

We set the groceries down in the kitchen and started to prep the veggies for the pasta. I knew them well enough to know they have been vegan for a while so I decided to make pesto pasta with lots of veggies. 

We all start cutting some carrots, peppers, and mushrooms. “So how have you guys been? I saw the last video you guys made with Shane and I hope things aren't as bad anymore,” I ask trying to make this less awkward than it already is while trying to keep my cool. 

“It’s been a lot better. Whatever we make now its because we want to make it,” Ethan says from behind the island still cutting an array of green, red, yellow and orange bell peppers.

“Yeah, but we’re trying to change it up a little again. We are getting older and we want to settle down. We’d like to produce different content,” Grayson says looking directly at me, which leaves me breathless. His eyes are a mixture of hazel and green, which I have never seen before. They are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, after Niall Horan’s that is. 

“What do you mean?,” I ask genuinely curious. I always thought they’d go on a different direction, but I thought they might start producing videos like the Try Guys. All of them produce and star in different videos, but they still make videos together and share the same channel.

“We want to produce more scripted content, like the music video we did for CubSport or like the Psychic Twins said, produce a movie or something like that,” Ethan says while poring the pasta in the pan to sauté with the veggies. 

“That’s really cool, I see you guys doing that for sure!” I say and mean it. They have great experience and I know they work with writers for their videos so I am sure they can get a deal in no time. 

They both look at each other as if communicating without saying a word and Shane barges into the kitchen, “Is the food done? The table is all set up and we have some Champagne to celebrate.”

“Food is done, we were about to get it all to the table now. But what are we celebrating?,” I ask confused, as usual. 

“Just life!,” Shane yells, snorts and then leaves the kitchen again. The twins laugh and take all the food to the table.

After we are all settled down and everyone has their plates, Ethan asks, “What about you, y/n? Where are you from?”

I hate being put on the spot like that, but I try to answer as calm as possible. “Well, I recently moved here from New York. I was an English major in college and worked for an online magazine for about two years before working for Shane.”

“The best decision I ever made was to hire her. She helps me come up with concepts, does the research and tries to keep me from getting sued,” Shane quickly chimes in clearly already a little tipsy.

“She helps us with all of our videos, she's a little screenwriter, director, and producer; a literal triple threat,” Ryland follows already pretty drunk as well. I can feel my face burning of embarrassment.

Grayson smiles at me and says, “You should be proud!” He laughs and I blush even more. 

Ryland gets up to go get dessert and says, “Don’t worry it’s vegan cake! I know y/n is allergic to eggs so I bought a vegan cake so she could eat it.”

“You’re allergic to eggs? I’m allergic to dogs!” Grayson says oddly satisfied.

“Yeah, I used yo be allergic to a lot more. Diary, pineapple, papaya, even grape juice. So much so, that I had a name tag where it listed all that I was allergic to. It was so embarrassing that to this day my friends back home make fun of me for it,” I say dead serious and everyone at the table laughs. The tension seems to dissipate a little.

“Damn, I thought I had it bad,” Grayson says trying to contain his contagious laughter. His eyes sparkle even more with all of these Christmas lights all around. 

As the night comes to an end, the twins are saying goodbye and thank you for dinner. They are making their way to the door and Shane says, “Remember the New Year's Eve party, we’ll be expecting you guys.” 

“We wouldn't miss it for anything, Shane!,” Ethan says winking at Shane. They both wave goodbye and drive off into the dark evening. 

I didn't even know we were hosting a New Years Eve party, I thought that was just for the family. Why would he invite the Dolans out of all the people Shane is close with?